yyjoke461-470

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Published on February 27, 2014

Author: Chiayihischool

Source: authorstream.com

Slide 1: (471) 童話故事 Fairy tales (472) 美好的家庭A wonderful family (473) 狩獵蒼蠅 Hunting flies (474) 時代在變 Changing Times (475) 不凡的碑文 Funny Epitaphs EXIT (476) 7-11之由來 Seven-Eleven (477) 天主教徒 Catholic Dog (478) 未系安全帶 School Zone (479) 新娘套間 Bridal Suite (480) 母乳餵養 Breasts examining yy jokes 471-480 Slide 2: 471 童話故事 "爸爸,"一個小女孩問她的父親,"所有童話故事一開頭都是 '從前..' 嗎?" "不,親愛的"父親回答。"有一些一開頭是 '如果我當選….'" CLOSE Fairy tales “Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? " "No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'" Slide 3: English 美好的家庭 牧師過逝,全會決議:過一段時間他的遺孀應行改嫁。由於村莊小,有資格娶她的只剩當地一屠戶。 婚姻後週五晚上洗過澡,新丈夫告訴他的妻子:「親愛的!我母親總是說週末開始之前一天,做個愛會很幸福的。」於是他們做了。 到了星期六他又告訴她,"根據我父親的說法能在安息日的前一天發生性關係會很幸福的”。 於是他們又做了,睡前他告訴她,"我祖父告訴我在安息日夜晚一定要做愛。" 在週一她到市場,遇上一個朋友問她:"新丈夫如何?” "嗯,他不是一個知識份子,但他來自一個非常美好的家庭。” 472 Slide 4: A wonderful family The minister dies and the congregation decides, after some time, that his widow, should marry again. Since it is a small village the only available candidate is the local butcher. After the marriage, on Friday night just after taking a bath - the new husband tells his wife, "Look, my mother always said that before the beginning of the weekend it was a blessing to have sex." They do it and then on Saturday he tells her, "According to my father it is a blessing to have sex during the day before the Sabbath. There they go again and when it is time to go to sleep he tells her, "My grandfather told me that one should always have sex on Sabbath night." Finally on Monday she goes out to the market and meets a friend that asks her, "So how is the new husband?" "Well, an intellectual he isn't, but he comes from a wonderful family." CLOSE 472 Slide 5: 473 English 狩獵蒼蠅 一個女人走進廚房,發現她的丈夫拿著蒼蠅拍繞來繞去。 "你在幹什麼?"她問。"狩獵蒼蠅,"他回答。 "哦,拍死多少隻?"她問。"還好,三隻公的,兩隻母的"他回答說。 她感到好奇地問道:”你怎麼知道是公是母?” 他回答,"因有三隻停在啤酒罐上,兩隻在電話上。” Slide 6: Hunting flies A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies," He responded. "Oh, killing any?" She asked. "Yep, three males, two females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell? He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone." CLOSE 473 Slide 7: English 474 時代在變 好吹噓的大學生挑戰長輩,稱您們這一代不可能瞭解他們的世界。 "您們成長在不同的世界,"學生說:"今天我們有電視、 噴氣式飛機、 太空旅行、 核能、 電腦、 互聯網 ... ..." 。 長輩乘學生陳述略為停頓說: "寶貝,你們說得好,就是因為我我們年輕時沒有這些東西. ... 所以我們發明了他們 !" Slide 8: CLOSE 474 Changing Times A big mouth college student challenged a senior citizen saying it was impossible for their generation to understand his world. “You grew up in a different world,” the student said. ”Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, nuclear energy, computers, the internet…” Taking advantage of a pause in the student’s litany, the senior said, “You’re right sonny . We didn’t have those things when we were young… so we invented them!” Slide 9: English 不凡的碑文 墓碑通常是嚴肅不得輕佻,但【紐約時報】登載一些有趣墓誌。 — 他是一位單純的人但死于併發症 — 他未經我的同意來到世上,走時也未經我同意 — 陌生人,以地心重力降臨踏破地面,牙醫布朗正好填補這空洞。 475 Slide 10: CLOSE Funny Epitaphs Tombstones are not generally thought of as fonts of light entertainment. But as The New York Times showed, some epitaphs are funnier than others. – He was a simple man who died of complications – He came into the world without my consent and left in the same manner – Stranger, tread this ground with gravity Dentist Brown is filling his cavity. 475 Slide 11: 476 7-Eleven之由來 一名女子第一個丈夫去世時就已經也有 4個孩子。當第二次出嫁時第二任丈與他第一任妻也有4個孩子。婚後,他們俩一在一起也共同有了 3 個孩子。 因此,夫妻二個人各有 7 個孩子,加在一起共有 11 個! CLOSE Seven-Eleven A women had already had 4 children when her first husband died. When she married a second time, her second husband also had 4 children from his first wife. After getting married, they had 3 children together. So each of them had 7 children, and together they had 11! Obviously, 7 and 7 is 11. Slide 12: 天主教徒 瑪律登獨自住在愛爾蘭的農村只有一隻狗相伴。一天,狗死了,瑪律登拜訪教區牧師請教:"神父,我狗死了。您能不能為我可憐的狗禱告禱告?" 神父派翠克回答說:"恐怕不行;我們不能在教堂裡為動物服務。但有一些街上浸信會他們可以說一些連自已都不相信的話。也許他們可以提供服務。” 瑪律登說,"那我就馬上去、神父!請教您5,000美元的捐款做為他們的服務費,不知够不够?" 神父派翠克喊道:我的天呀!先生:你為什麼不告訴我你的狗是天主教徒?” 477 English Slide 13: Catholic Dog Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, “Father, my dog is dead. Could you be saying’ a mass for the poor creature?” Father Patrick replied, “I’m afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there can tell something what even they can’t believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.” Muldoon said, “I’ll go right away Father. Do you think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?” Father Patrick exclaimed, “Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn’t you tell me the dog was Catholic? CLOSE 477 Slide 14: 478 English 未系安全帶 一位熟悉雷達測速器退休警官, 駕車以規定車速通過校區,但雷達閃光燈一亮,拍下他的車牌。警官想雷達有誤,再次以更為緩慢車速通過但閃光燈又亮了一下。警官甚至以更慢的速度再試一次但結果一樣。警官心想"這雷達測速器必然有問題"。 幾個星期後,他在信箱裡收到罰單,共三張交通罰單,每張都是「未系安全帶 」! Slide 15: School Zone An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate. The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result. “This guy must have screwed up the settings,” the off-duty officer thought. A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt! CLOSE 478 Slide 16: English 479 新娘套間 我的老闆伍德和他的妻子每年在相同的度假村酒店下榻來慶祝他們結婚周年。在25 周年紀念,他們預定了他們的房間。 但當酒店的領班送他們上樓,他們大為驚訝。 伍德表示,"必然有誤,"。"這看起來像新娘套房。" "還好吧!"領班安慰他。"如果我帶你到舞廳,並不意味著你非跳舞不可。" Slide 17: CLOSE 479 Bridal Suite… Every year on their wedding anniversary my boss, Woody, and his wife celebrated by staying at the same resort hotel. On their 25th anniversary they booked their usual room. But when the hotel’s bell captain escorted them upstairs, they were in for a big surprise. “There must be some mistake,” Woody said. “This looks like the bridal suite.” “It’s okay,” the bell captain reassured him. “If I put you in the ballroom, that doesn’t mean you have to dance.” Slide 18: English 母乳餵養 一名女子帶一名男嬰,走進醫生辦公室請醫生檢查嬰兒,醫生發現嬰兒體重不足,詢問女子:"他是喝母乳還是牛奶?" "噢 ... ... 他是母乳餵養 !",那個女人回答。 "那麼,請將上身的衣服脫下"醫生下令。她把上衣和胸罩脫下,坐在檢查台上。 醫生開始非常詳細地按、揉、捏了乳房好一陣子。醫生要她穿好衣服,然後醫生說: "怪不得這嬰兒餓瘦了。你跟本沒有奶!" 那個女人羞答答地臉上露出笑容,回應道: "當然,我沒有。""我是他的姨媽-但我真高興把他帶來檢查!" 480 Slide 19: CLOSE Breasts examining A woman and a baby come into the doctor's office, the doctor examines the baby, and finds him not gaining much weight and asks the woman, "Is he breast fed or on the bottle?" "Oh ... he is breast fed!", replied the woman. "Well then, strip down to your waist," orders the doctor. She takes off her top and bra and sits on the examining table. The doc starts pressing, kneading and pinching both breasts for quite a while in a very detailed. The doc motions to her to get dressed, then the doctor says: "No wonder this baby is so hungry. You don't have any milk!" The woman with a wry grin on her face responds: "Well of course I don't." "I'm his aunt - but I'm sure glad I brought him in!" 480 Slide 20: yy jokes 471-480

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