Published on February 24, 2014
Resiliency for a Lifetime By Steve Beseke, Senior Vice President, Resiliency Practice Leader think2perform (formerly LAG) www.resiliencyfirst.com www.think2perform.com Understanding Your Life Skills Keys to Business Success and Personal Fulfillment
Defining Resiliency Upfront • All of us have moments where we feel fantastic, and those we want to pull the covers over our eyes. Our work/life resilience is key in keeping us on an even keel without falling overboard…. In Challenging Times Our Resiliency: The ability to face, overcome, dust ourselves off and be strengthened by the obstacles in life or work. In Good Times Our Resiliency: Finding ways to continue adapting, using our individual unique strengths and having the right attitude to not take anything for granted in life or work.
Part 1: Smack-Down Resiliency • For me, discussing workplace resiliency starts with how I have very humbly and successfully adapted to my lifelong physical disability (Cerebral Palsy). Basically, my disability makes me walk a bit funny and fall down a lot. • All of us, though, have our own unique life and work challenges… • How are you using your resilience to get challenges in your life or at your work today?
Resiliency: A 24-Hour-A-Day Proposition • None of us can stay positive in life or at work every minute of every day. • All of us, however, can be resilient 365 days a year whether at work and in life. Why? Because resilience is more than just staying positive. It’s a frame of mine that allows you to handle good times and not… • How do you see your company tapping into the resilience of your employees?
Adaptability • In early 2009, I was among the 2,000 empoyees laid off at a national commercial real estate builder. • I definitely had to adapt after nearly 30 years as a corporate communications executive… • How could you be more adaptive in your work style with others?
The Art of Compromise • At least in American culture, the word “compromise” is not always seen in the best light. But this phrase: “Stick to our beliefs and not give in unless absolutely necessary” can spell ultimate failure in your job. • How could you “compromise” with a client, supervisor, co-worker or direct report to make a project go smoother?
Knowing Your Strengths • A recent study showed those focusing on their strengths at work - instead of lamenting on their weaknesses - were 60 percent more likely to succeed at work. • How are using your resilient strengths at your work?
Finding Common Ground • Establishing great relationships at work is all about finding common ground on a whole myriad of issues - from work-related to personal. • How do you find common ground to move work projects forward at all levels?
Actions Within Your Control • All of us think we ultimately control more than we do - especially at work. This lack of “control” is one of the top reasons employees become dissatisfied or leave a company. • Three things we can ultimately control: Our attitude, our values and how we relate to people. • What workplace actions are totally within your control?
Three Ps of Work Resilience • Perseverance… • Persistence… • Patience… • What are you doing to keep your three Ps front and center at work?
Managing Your Brand • Your resilient attitude and how you relate to coworkers and supervisors directly connect to how you are seen as an employee. If managed right, you are seen as a great person to work with. If not… • Brands are just not for Coca-Cola and McDonald’s anymore… • How are you managing your personal brand at work?
Knowing Yourself • Recognizing what makes you happy at work and in life can make the resilient difference of staying on course at a company or potentially becoming derailed. • What gives you satisfaction in your current job or life situation?
Resiliency: Your Next Steps • Think through the one or two areas you’d like to enhance to help maintain your resiliency at work - and in life. • Pick one and develop a short plan on how you could improve it. • Studies show within six months colleagues/others will add this to how they see you…your brand. Whether it is being more adaptable, staying persistent and patient, or the other resilient strategies previously mentioned…
Resilience Quote • A resilient quote: “Never worry about things you can’t do, cherish your strengths to always be your very best in life and at work,” Burt Beseke.
Part II: Self Awareness and Your Resiliency • I gave you a couple definitions of resiliency earlier, but it can really be summed up by three simple words: “Managing Your Emotions…”
Your Emotional Competence • In addition to being resilient, your EC, or EQ, can help you overcome, enjoy life or keeping spinning…whether at work or personally.
EQ-i 2.0® Building More Self-Awareness • 15 Factors in five categories that help you become emotionally competent at work and in life. • Based on research by Reuven BarOn, a clinical psychologist, started in 1980. • Measures extent to which you have developed each factor. • All of the factors can be learned and improved. • I will highlight them next… EQ – i 2.0. Copyrighted 2011. Multi-Health Systems Inc. All rights reserved.
EQ-i 2.0® EQ – i 2.0. Copyrighted 2011. Multi-Health Systems Inc. All rights reserved.
Self-Perception – Our Inner Self • Self Regard – The ability to respect and accept yourself just the way you are. • How could truly respecting and accepting yourself (strengths and not) be a benefit for you at work – and in life? EQ – i 2.0. Copyrighted 2011. Multi-Health Systems Inc. All rights reserved.
Self-Perception – Our Inner Self • Emotional Self Awareness – The ability to recognize we are responding emotionally and to label our emotions accurately. • How have you seen handling your emotions effectively at work helped you in the past? EQ – i 2.0. Copyrighted 2011. Multi-Health Systems Inc. All rights reserved.
Self-Expression – Expressing Emotions • Assertiveness – The ability to express our thoughts and feelings so we create and protect a good place for ourselves without walking on others. • What is an example where you’ve used your assertiveness without “walking on others” at work? EQ – i 2.0. Copyrighted 2011. Multi-Health Systems Inc. All rights reserved.
Self-Expression – Expressing Emotions • Independence – The ability to make decisions for ourselves rather than being emotionally dependent upon others. • What might be an example you can think of where not being as independent could hinder effectiveness in your work? EQ – i 2.0. Copyrighted 2011. Multi-Health Systems Inc. All rights reserved.
Self-Perception – Our Inner Self • Self Actualization – The ability to develop ourselves through learning, growth and development. It is also a measure of drive. • If we are seen with this desire to learn, how might that increase our “brand” in the eyes of others? EQ – i 2.0. Copyrighted 2011. Multi-Health Systems Inc. All rights reserved.
Interpersonal – Skills in Dealing with Others • Empathy – The ability to read others well and care about their thoughts and feelings. • What’s the value in trying to “walk in another person’s shoes” at work? EQ – i 2.0. Copyrighted 2011. Multi-Health Systems Inc. All rights reserved.
Interpersonal – Skills in Dealing with Others • Social Responsibility – The ability to put someone else’s well being ahead of your own. • What’s an example where you’ve done this at work or in life? EQ – i 2.0. Copyrighted 2011. Multi-Health Systems Inc. All rights reserved.
Interpersonal – Skills in Dealing with Others • Interpersonal Relationship – The ability to form positive interpersonal relationships that feel good to both parties. • Establishing good working relationships with colleagues/supervisors is a positive and resilient action. What value does that provide for you? EQ – i 2.0. Copyrighted 2011. Multi-Health Systems Inc. All rights reserved.
Stress Management – Dealing with Emotions • Stress Tolerance – The ability to withstand stress without experiencing disruptive anxiety, and to keep calm under pressure. • How have used your resiliency to help alleviate stress at work or in life? EQ – i 2.0. Copyrighted 2011. Multi-Health Systems Inc. All rights reserved.
Decision-Making – Using Emotions • Reality Testing – The ability to keep our emotions from excessively influencing our interpretation of events. • Please think of a crisis management career moment in the past. How have you managed your emotions, so it the interpretation of events? EQ – i 2.0. Copyrighted 2011. Multi-Health Systems Inc. All rights reserved.
Decision-Making – Using Emotions • Impulse Control – The ability to withstand temptation when appropriate. • What strategies have you used to not be impulsive at work or in life? EQ – i 2.0. Copyrighted 2011. Multi-Health Systems Inc. All rights reserved.
Decision-Making – Using Emotions • Problem Solving – The ability to be careful and methodical in solving problems. • Examples? EQ – i 2.0. Copyrighted 2011. Multi-Health Systems Inc. All rights reserved.
Self-Expression – Expressing Emotions • Emotional Expression – Expressing feelings both verbally and nonverbally. • At a critical time in your work life, how have you appropriately expressed your feelings to get what you want? EQ – i 2.0. Copyrighted 2011. Multi-Health Systems Inc. All rights reserved.
Stress Management – Dealing with Emotions • Flexibility – The ability to adapt to change. To “roll with the punches” and not be swayed by unusual events that happen to all of us. • What is an example of where you “rolled with the punches?” EQ – i 2.0. Copyrighted 2011. Multi-Health Systems Inc. All rights reserved.
Stress Management – Dealing with Emotions • Optimism (about the future) – The ability to see the bright side and opportunities of the future, and resilience in the face of disappointments and setbacks. • What’s an example of where you’ve been optimistic lately at work or in life? EQ – i 2.0. Copyrighted 2011. Multi-Health Systems Inc. All rights reserved.
Well-Being Indicator • Happiness (about the present) – The ability to feel satisfied with our current life and to have fun. • How do you define “being happy” at work? EQ – i 2.0. Copyrighted 2011. Multi-Health Systems Inc. All rights reserved.
The Alignment Model Frame 1 Frame 2 Frame 2 Frame 3 Frame 3 MORAL COMPASS GOALS GOALS BEHAVIOR BEHAVIOR Purpose Purpose Goals Goals Wants Wants Thoughts Thoughts Feelings Feelings Actions Actions Principles Values Beliefs Ideal Self Real Self Real Self
Competencies that Matter Intellectual and technical competencies are threshold competencies. Moral and Emotional competencies are differentiators. Integrity (Moral) Customer Service Orientation (Moral) Concern for Order/Quality (Technical) Teamwork and Collaboration (Emotional) Self Confidence (Emotional) Achievement Orientation (Emotional)
Frame 1 Moral Intelligence is… Our mental capacity to determine how universal moral principles should be applied to our personal values, goals and actions. 1.Integrity 2.Responsibility 3.Compassion 4.Forgiveness
Frame 1 Competency… Reliably measurable characteristics of a person including knowledge, skills and traits. Moral Competency is… Our ability to act on our moral principles. 3
Frame 1 Knowing vs. Doing
Moral Competencies are…
Frame 1 Values… Beliefs which guide decision-making and which you would ideally live by. 3
The Values Cards Exercise 1. Sort the cards into two piles – one with the values that are important to you and one with the values that are less important to you. 2. From the pile that is important to you, select 15 that are ideally important to you. 3. Reduce the stack of 15 to 10 and write them down. 4. Reduce the stack of 10 to 5 and circle the top five. 5. You can create your own values on the blank cards. 3
The Alignment Model Frame 3 Identifying Your Real Self 4
The Alignment Model Frame 1 Frame 2 Frame 2 Frame 3 Frame 3 MORAL COMPASS GOALS GOALS BEHAVIOR BEHAVIOR Purpose Purpose Goals Goals Wants Wants Thoughts Thoughts Feelings Feelings Actions Actions Principles Values Beliefs Ideal Self 4 Real Self Real Self
The Experiential Triangle Outside Stimulus THOUGHTS (manage/choose ) These are components of self-awareness. Emotions EMOTIONS Feelings FEELINGS (occur) (occur) Source: Joe LeDoux, NYU 4 Actions ACTIONS (voluntary oror (voluntary involuntary) involuntary)
The Freeze Exercise A Self-Awareness Experience to Recognize and Reflect 1. Say “Freeze” and Pause. Helps you deal effectively with others, stress… 2. Multiple times during the day, hit the pause button, and ask yourself: 1. What am I thinking right now? 2. Emotionally, how am I feeling right now? 3. What am I doing right now? 3. Ask yourself, are my feelings, thoughts and actions in this circumstance aligned with my goals and values? 4. Ask, is there a better choice for me right now? 5. Emotion cards… 4
The Freeze Exercise A Self-Awareness Experience to Recognize and Reflect • • • • • Ask yourself the three questions: Practice makes permanent. Self-awareness is the foundational skill of emotional and moral intelligence…it’s the key competence. If it is the only thing you learn today you will be better off for it. Think of your colleague or client…what are you thinking right now, how does it make you feel… Remember this: Your presence is going to have a lot to do with how others feel. So, how you handle yourself will stimulate their emotional state first…
Frame 3 – Exercises The 4 R’s of Moral & Emotional Competency Development 1. Recognize (Freeze Exercise) your own experience of thoughts, emotions, physiology/action and recognize the experience of others. 2. Reflect on the big picture, the long-term, the biases that might be in play, the moral principles and what you care most about (Values). 3. Reframe your self-talk to account for possible biases and to avoid reflexive responses to highly-charged emotions. 4. Respond with a decision consistent with your principles/values and goals.
It sounds simple and it isn’t always easy!!
Sensory Awareness Sight Touch Smell Taste Sound
Positive Resiliency and Emotion Refocusing Technique “Belly Breathing” • 2-3 slow deep breathes from belly. • Imagine person you love, or beautiful place in nature. • Hold image around heart. Notice feelings of gratitude. Maintain for 45 seconds – 1 minute. • Ask yourself “how do you want to be?”
What Can and Should we do? • Never stop learning about human behavior. • Never stop practicing behavioral management. • Never stop teaching what you are learning and practicing.
Wrap-up • What do you see as the link between what you’ve learned and effective leadership, communication and your resiliency? • Give an example of how you will use what you learned in the next 3 weeks. • What went well for you today? • What could have gone better?
Questions… • Thanks so much for your valuable time today! • Questions? • I hope you have a resilient day!
Contact us… For more info about our resiliency breakthrough leadership and emotional intelligence programming for corporations, schools or individuals, please contact me at think2perform. 651-341-9826 www.lennickaberman.com www.resiliencyfirst.com