Published on March 10, 2014
A First Look at Interpersonal Communication
Defining Interpersonal Communication • Interpersonal communication is by focusing on what happens between people, not where they are or how many are present • Interpersonal communication is a distinct type of interaction between people – inter meaning “between” and person…between people. • Communication exists on a continuum from impersonal to interpersonal.
Why Study Interpersonal Communication (IPC) Copyright©2013,2009,2006PearsonEducation,Inc.AllRightsReserved Personal success Social success Professional success “Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Be true to yourself. How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you.” Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience
Personal qualities of the communicator and their relative effect on how the message is received . The recipient is an active participant in communication. The recipient’s prior knowledge, beliefs, and attitudes affect his understanding of the message.
A Little History about Speech 1. Homo Sapiens (current humans) became dominate about 250,000 years ago. 2. Greatest contributing factor to domination over other animals is speech. 3. Where ever humans are in groups, they develop a way of communicating with each others.
A Little History about Speech Q: Why is speech so important? The development of human culture is made possible by our ability to... 1. Share experiences 2. Exchange ideas 3. Transmit knowledge
1. SHARED EXPERIENCES Some shared experiences: • Activities. • The love of family and children. • The instinct to survive. • The desire for health, wealth, knowledge and happiness. • The concern for the safety and happiness of loved ones. • Shared experiences inform our lives no matter who we are, how different we are from others, no matter where
2. EXCHANGE OF IDEAS Early Days - The ancient trade routes were the communications highways of the ancient world. • The Spice and the Silk Road had a significant influence on the development of the great civilizations of China, India, Syria, Iraq, Turkey, Egypt, Persia, Arabia, and Rome. • Cities along these routes grew rich providing services and goods to traders, pilgrims, missionaries, soldiers, nomads, and merchants. • They also became cultural and artistic centers, with people of different ethnic and cultural backgrounds. Examples of ideas, goods and raw materials: • The Water Wheel
Ancient Trade Routes
2. EXCHANGE OF IDEAS 1. Websites: •Pinterest.com •Cruelty free products http://www.leapingbunny.org •Houzz.com •WikiHow.com (How to make love last) 2. Conversation with others 3. Demonstrating 4. Movies 5. Social Media (Facebook, etc.) 6. Books 7. Other
Interpersonal Skill Idea http://www.wonderhowto.com/ (How to remember someone’s name)
3) Transmit Knowledge Q: How do we transmit knowledge? •Prehistoric: Fires, Beacons, Smoke signals, Communication drums ,and Horns •6th century BCE: Mail •5th century BCE: Pigeon post •15th century CE: Maritime flag semaphores •1672: First experimental acoustic (mechanical) telephone •1867: Signal lamps
3) Transmit Knowledge • 1838: Electrical telegraph. • 1858: First trans-Atlantic telegraph cable. • 1876: Telephone. First PhoneBasic electrical signals
3) Transmit Knowledge • 1896: Radio. • 1927: Television. • 1956: Transatlantic telephone cable 1962: Commercial telecommunications satellite • 1964: Fiber optical telecommunications • 1981: First mobile (cellular) phone network • 1983: Internet.
Evolution of Communication!
Other methods: •Social media (Tweeter, Facebook, etc.) •Friends, neighbors, etc. •Stories •Jokes •T.V. •Radio •Internet •Education •#1 way - News sharing 3) Transmit Knowledge
The Nature of IPC Copyright©2013,2009,2006PearsonEducation,Inc.AllRightsReserved 1. Interdependent individuals Connected Actions of one impacts the other 2. Inherently relational Defines the relationship Varies depending on the relationship
The Nature of IPC (cont.) Copyright©2013,2009,2006PearsonEducation,Inc.AllRightsReserved 4. Involves verbal and nonverbal messages 5. Takes place in varied forms Face to face Computer mediated Synchronous – occur simultaneously, in “real time” Asynchronous – do not occur in “real time” 4. Involves choices (choice points)
Participating Effectively In A Diverse Society • The likelihood of meeting our needs depends on our ability to participate effectively in a very diverse social world. • We need to understand and learn from others who differ from us.
Time spent communicating
What makes up our communication?
How we communicate?
Why do we communicate? • Gathering nuts, berries, herbs, etc. could be done alone. • Hunting took a unified approach. 1) Survival (Hunter and Gathers) - Was critical for the difficult tasks - Brought groups together Learning to work in coordinated groups was one of keys to the creation of permanent settlements.
Why Do We Communicate? The Interpersonal Imperative 2) Develop Identities (Who am I?) 3) Establish and build relationships (What groups do I want to be in?) 3) Coordinate efforts with others (School, job, sports, hobbies, events, etc.) 4) Have impact on issues that matter (Lead, persuade, influence, compete, etc.) 5) Work out problems (Daily event)
Levels of Communication (Except intrapersonal communication, all levels involve interpersonal communication.)
Levels of Communication INTRAPERSONAL COMMUNCIATION • Self-talk : Our inner thoughts, emotions, a feelings (Occasional speaking to ourselves) • Self-concept: How we think and feel about ourselves (How we feel about our body, intelligence, occupation, income level, educat our gender, age, where we live.) • Experiences: Good or bad – (Affects how feel about ourselves, thus affecting how w communicate with ourselves, and ultimate others.) • Self-fulfilling prophesy: “Be careful what y ask for because you just may get it.”
Levels of Communication INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICAITON • One-on-one communication (Dyad) • Putting what we think, feel and behavior into communication (verbal and nonverbal) • What we say will be interpreted (and may or may not be understood) by the receiver • Success of communication depends on (culture, past history, self-concept, education, life experience, and comfort with the communication process)
• Three or more people create a group. • Increases the communication complexity/more people to interrupt the meanings of your words/more difficult to get point across • Increases uncertainty (especially with strangers) • Group roles, power, status, and leadership are emphasized can be positive/negative. • Groups are important for survival of human, fulfilling physiological, safety, social, self-esteem, and self fulfillment. Levels of Communication Small Group Communication
• A person(s) who has reason for speaking. • An audience that gives the speaker attention. • A message that is meant to accomplish a specific purpose. (Inform, Persuade, Entertain, Eulogy, Toast, etc. ) • A Speaker is usually responsible for their own words (Speech writers help professional, political, and civic leaders) • Effective public speaking is learned and involves specific skills to influence. Levels of Communication Public Speaking
Organizational Communication involves all levels of communication. Organizations include: • Profit making businesses – Self sufficient – sell goods and services. • Political organizations – Distribute power and control of society. (Federal and location government, police and military and financial institutions. • Organizations designed to help solve social problems – (Legal system, consumer advocacy, political parties, public interest groups.) • Organizations that promote cultural and educational regularity and development. (Schools, religious organizations, health care) • Other: Gangs, Mafia, Cartels, etc. Levels of Communication Organizational Communication
Levels of Communication Mass Communication • Mass communication is the study of how individuals and entities relay information through mass media to large segments of the population at the same time. • These mediums channels are used for disseminating information, news and advertising: Newspaper, magazines, direct-mail, newsletters, books, etc. Television (Cable, Satellite, Over the Air) Radio (AM/FM, Satellite, Online) Films Internet (Email, Tweeter, Instagram, Facebook, HULU, YouTube, My Space) Handheld Devices – Text messaging, and all the applications that can be accessed Skype – Users who share can do phone calls, meeting
One of the most important forms of communication Intercultural Communication The process of exchanging meaningful and clear information across cultural boundaries, in a way that preserves mutual respect and minimizes antagonism. Western Culture includes: • Gender, age, ethnicity, group social class, spiritual commitments, sexual orientation, and abilities. • Shared system of symbols, beliefs, attitudes, values, expectations, and norms of behavior. Levels of Communication Intercultural Communication
• Maslow's thinking was original. Most psychologists before him had been concerned with the abnormal and the ill. • He urged people to acknowledge their basic needs before addressing higher needs and ultimately self-actualization. • Maslow described human needs as being relatively fluid—with many needs being present in a person simultaneously. • Later in life, Maslow was concerned with questions such as: - Why don't more people self-actualize if their basic needs are met? - How can we humanistically understand the problem of evil?” Maslow - General Overview
Self Actualization – Peak Experience Metamotivation •Maslow - self-actualized people who are driven by innate forces beyond their basic needs, so that they may explore and reach their full human potential. Peak experiences •Profound moments of love, understanding, happiness, or rapture, during which a person feels more whole, alive, self-sufficient and yet a part of the world, more aware of truth, justice, harmony, goodness, and so on. •These “peak experiences” or states of flow are the reflections of the realization of one’s human potential and represent the height of personality development.
Self-Actualizing People from History • Abraham Lincoln • Thomas Jefferson • Mahatma Gandhi • Albert Einstein • Eleanor Roosevelt • Thoreau • Christ • Buddha
MASLOW’S NEED HIERACHY Communication is the foundation in which parents, care takers, friends, families, etc. help or hinder meeting these needs. Survival Needs 1.Physiological – People band together to survive. Co-ops are formed to make large purchases of food and other items. Limited partnerships may be created to purchase a house or car. 2.Safety – Neighborhood watch groups. A union at one’s workplace to obtain a level of security. Joining a group health plan also fulfill this need. Emotional Needs 1.Belonging or Love -- People often join groups to receive affection and comfort from others if there is not a family, friend or lover. 2.Self-esteem – A person’s prestige may be enhanced by a membership in a certain group, team, club, organization (a fraternity, sorority, sports club) Reaching full potential Need Self – actualization – Groups have a mission to help reach your full potential. (consciousness raising organizations, networking groups, toastmasters, scientology)
The Internet – More important that basic needs? • An individual must be able to connect in order to achieve enhancement of social and cultural capital as well as achieve mass economic gains in productivity. • Therefore, access is a necessary (but not sufficient) condition for overcoming the digital divide • Knowledge is power – If you don’t have it…what happens? • Censorship, no power to access the internet – Is this right?
Interpersonal Needs Theory Psychologist - William Schultz Our ability to create and sustain relationships depends on how well our these basic needs are met. 1) Affection - Desire to give and receive love and liking, and emotional warmth and closeness. 2) Inclusion - Desire to be social and included in groups. Groups can accept you, respect you, and offer a place to belong. 3) Control - Desired to influence people and events in our lives. Groups can offer status and power, and a place to influence and earn prestige.
Schutz’s FIRO Theory
Schutz’s FIRO Theory
Schutz’s FIRO Theory
Fulfilling our Interpersonal Needs All needs have three components: 1.Express – Pro-Active– We express ways or behave in ways to fulfill our needs. 2.Want - In Active – We want others to behave towards us. We wait and often needs aren’t met. 3.Ideal – The goldilocks people understand not all needs can be met. Will be patient or have other groups to fulfill needs.
Inclusion – How to achieve • Express: We call or text a friend, reach out to others, plan things. • Want: We wait for others to text or call us, reach out to us. • Ideal: We reach out, if you want…and you are ok if people don’t always reach out.
• Express: The extent to which we control others’ actions’. We like to make decisions. • Want: We want others to guide us (What to have for dinner, What movie to go to, driving, etc.) Can be out of weakness. • Ideal: You give and take. You don’t always need to control and enjoy having others be part of decisions. You know when to control and when to let others. Control How to Achieve
Affection How to Achieve • Express: You express affection by smiling, prolonged eye contact, or giving compliments. Over personal – Too much touching, hugging etc. • Want: Wanting affection from others, wanting compliments from others. Covert – hinting at gifts, or invitations. Asking do you like this….dress, purse, etc. • Ideal - Appropriately Personal: Are ok with what people want to do, and are proactive when the situation is appropriate.
Schutz’s Interpersonal Needs Theory Cycle of a groups when they begin: • Initial formation stage - communication aims at inclusion • Group members friendly, and cautious as they try to evaluate each other and try to be accepted by others • As group develops, control needs become more evident: members contest issues and vie for leadership • Conflicts happen - are resolved, people turn toward affection needs • This process is cyclical, and plays itself over and over with each new group • All steps necessary for a strong group to survive
How do you apply the theories? Q: How can understanding Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs help you understand how you relate to others? Understand how others relate to you? Q: How can understanding Shutz’s FIRO Theory help you understand yourself? Help you understand others?
REVIEW QUESTION The three needs included in Schutz’s Interpersonal Needs Theory are: A. ability, communication, persistence B. inclusion, control, affection C. companionship, excitement, loyalty D. shelter, food, safety E. the need to be in Roana Thornock’s Speech 151 class
REVIEW QUESTION Maslow suggests that before you can meet your safety needs, you need to satisfy: A. esteem needs B. control needs C. love needs D. physiological needs
REVIEW QUESTION The three needs included in Schutz’s Interpersonal Needs Theory are: A. ability, communication, persistence B. inclusion, control, affection C. companionship, excitement, loyalty D. shelter, food, safety E. the need to be in Roana Thornock’s Speech 121 class
REVIEW QUESTION Maslow suggests that before you can meet your safety needs, you need to satisfy: A. esteem needs B. control needs C. love needs D. physiological needs
Models of Communication • A model is representative of a phenomenon. • Models show how the phenomenon works. • The Book describes key models that explain the communication process.
Models of Interpersonal Communication Linear, interactive and transactional Who? Says What? In what channel? To whom? With what effect? •
Linear Models – Evolved from Harold Lasswell – Political Scientist as an outgrowth of his work in propaganda (1948) • A one-way process, in which one person acts on another (Who says what to whom in what channel with what effect)
All systems include NOISE! Types of NOISE 1) Physiological – hunger, fatigue, headaches, medications. 2) Physical – Interference in environment – Lawn mowers, students in hallway, lights, spam and pop-up ads, extreme temperatures.) 3) Psychological – Qualities in us – Preoccupied with problems, prejudice and defense feelings, anger, & our needs 4) Semantic – Words/meaning not understood (jargon, technical terms, slang, or faccents.)
Interactive Models - A process in which listeners give feedback (responds to the message) • Communicators create and interpret messages within personal fields of experience. • Doesn't’t address, the reality that the source and receiver will communicate at the same time. • Prolonged interpersonal relationships change dynamics.
Transactional Models - Emphasizes the dynamism of interpersonal communication • Includes the multiple roles (communicating and receiving) during the process. • Our experience and others experience makes impacts success of communication. • Includes the feature of time.. • Also, Social Systems (Shared campus, town, workplace, religion, culture, and personal system (family, religion, friends, etc. )
A Communication Continuum • Jewish philosopher Martin Buber’s I and Thou (1923) presents a philosophy of personal dialogue • Buber’s major theme is that human existence may be defined by the way in which we engage in dialogue with each other, with the world, and with God (Represented as abstract and eternal rather then as a person.) • Buber distinguished levels of communication from impersonal (I – It) to (I-You) and interpersonal ( I-Thou)
A Communication Continuum I-It Communication – Impersonal • People treated as objects “its” to be used and experienced. • Others ignored or looked at serve the individual’s interest? • Dysfunctional families, parents may treat children as “its,” as will alcoholics' or drug addicts. Ignore humanity: Salespeople, cashiers, postal workers, clerical staff, restaurant staff, oor homeless people, etc. Communication Tip: Service Industry people trained to touch others (I-You) to humanize relationships/bigger tip.
A Communication Continuum I-You communication • People acknowledge others as more than objects. • Most common form of communication. • We are not fully engaged, nor do we share personal or deep dialogue…usually. • People relate from the “roles” they play (Store clerks, classmates, team, people with common interests, Professor/student, workplace.) • People are not treated as “unique.”
A Communication Continuum I-Thou communication • Highest form of human dialogue with others and one’s approach to spirituality. • Individuals treat each other as cherished and unique. • We trust each other to be ourselves- free of judgement. • Only in I-Thou relationships can we become human. • According to Buber, to create I-Thou relationship with God, a person has to be open to the idea of such a relationship, but not actively pursue it. • Buber argued that human life consists of an oscillation between I -It and I-You, and that in fact I-Thou experiences are rather few and far between.
Features of Interpersonal Communication Building on Burber’s description, the author defines interpersonal communication as: 1) Selective •We select who and to what depth to communicate •We don’t nor need to communicate at a I-You or I- Thou level, as it takes more time, energy, and courage. Questions: • Under what circumstances might we not want to go beyond an I-It dialogue? •How does texting or email fit in?
2) Systemic • Communication is embedded in multiple systems (this course, our relationship, our college, the American Society) • Systems affect what communication means and involves (the system, situation, time, people, culture, personal histories) • All communication systems have noise (physiological, physical, psychological and semantic.) Features of Interpersonal Communication
3) Individual •Treat others as unique individuals •Beyound Features of Interpersonal Communication
Features of Interpersonal Communication 3) Individuals • Unique – Each relationship that goes beyond social roles, is special and irreplaceable. • Each relationship can add “value.” • Relationships can fulfill different needs. • Each relationship has different patterns, rhythms, and even special vocabulary.
4) Processual •Communication is ongoing. •Communications evolves over time. •Relationships can improve or decline. •Communication is linked to the past and future. Tip: We can’t delete or rewind what we say. Features of Interpersonal Communication
4) Transactional •Communication is an exchange of verbal/nonverbal communication. •In interpersonal exchanges in communication is simultaneous and continuous. •Communicators share responsibility for effectiveness. Problems: Misunderstandings in email, online communication, texting, etc. •Feedback delayed •Lack of inflection and nonverbal behavior Features of Interpersonal Communication
5) Personal Knowledge •Fosters personal knowledge and insights about others. •Shared experiences that provide more information. •Personal knowledge is a process that grows and build over time. Ethical dimension: Information can be used to hurt others. Features of Interpersonal Communication
6) Meaning Created •Shared meanings •Meanings grow from interactions •Special words, expressions, gestures can develop that are shared with close relationships Two Levels of meaning: 1) Content meaning •Literal meaning - “Clean your room now!” •Relationship meaning – What the communication expresses demonstrates the type of relationship. “Would you mind cleaning your room” is more equal. Features of Interpersonal Communication
• Me – to – ism – such as “That’s nothing, let me tell you what happened to me.” (This minimizes the other and speakers feels unheard.) • Moralizing, preaching, being judgmental - (Differences are part of life, set aside judgment to understand what others are saying.) • Asking a direct question to satisfy curiosity – (This is often offensive. Patience…people will share when and if they are ready.) • Giving unsolicited advice – (Ask first or wait to be asked.) • Consolation comments, such as “It’s going to be all right” or “Get over it.” (It might not be.) • Arguing or disagreeing with the speaker - Depending on the topic, most arguments of over values (right or wrong) and beliefs (good or bad)…pick your battle. • Analyzing or interrupting - (Allow others to finish their thoughts. Save analyze for others or a later time.) Blocks to Effective Communication
Blocks to Effective Communication – cont. Anger •It is the least understood emotion Fight or Flight •(Emotions are triggered by the same part of the brain - the amygdala. The amygdala in turn triggers a response in the hypothalamus, a key area for many of the things your brain does 'without thinking' including this 'fight or flight' response.) •Anger is attached to other emotions (fear, pain, failure, despair or frustration) – Road rage (fear of death and then anger) Positive: Anger can stimulate energy to help solve problems and provide information
Six Guidelines for Interpersonal Communication Competence 1) Develop a range of skills 2) Adapt communication appropriately 3) Engage in dual perspective 4) Monitor your communication 6) Commit to effective and ethical communication
1) Develop a range of Skills • What tools would you need to comfort someone? (to soothe, comfortable, compassion, openness) • To engage constructively in conflict? (Be an active listener, create supportive climate, look for win/win scenarios) • To support a friend who is depressed? (affirm the person, demonstrate care, encourage, no judging) • To build good work relationships? (Be supportive, be a team player, express ourselves clearly, Guidelines for Interpersonal Communication Competence
2) Adapt Communication Appropriately • Your Intention: To comfort, explain an idea, persuade someone to change their behavior • The context influences (when, where, how, and about what to communicate) • Adapt what you say to particular people – I-it, I-You; and I-thou • Person-centeredness – Adapt messages to particular people (sensitive to goals, contexts, and other people) Guidelines for Interpersonal Communication Competence
3) Engage in Dual Perspective • Understanding our own and another’s perspective (How they think and feel about issues…not always easy.) • Engage in genuine dialogue. (Takes skills and practice) • Trying to understand and helping others is an innate human trait Example: Donations: (Jamaican Boob sled team), Child without coat in Sweden/Elephants • Don’t be EGOCENTRIC (Imposing ones perceptions on others and believing that others should do and handle things the way they do.) Questions to ask: • Do you have a tendency to see things from your perspective? • Do you listen closely to others thoughts and feelings? • Do you ask others to explain how they feel, what something means to them, or how they view a situation. Asking a questions for more detail. And, most important acting appropriately to the situation. Guidelines for Interpersonal Communication Competence
Dual Perspective Taking Instead of Let me tell you what I think Try saying Let me state what I hear you saying I’ve made up my mind Before I make my decision, would you explain how you see this issue? You just don’t get it do you? Help me understand what you mean
4) Monitor Your Communication – The ability to observe and regulate your own communication Before What is your intention and goal? What are your triggers? How high are the stakes? (Ask another how they would approach the situation?) During Stay alert, edit our thoughts, remember to be open and listen After Evaluate, save emails to look at later, discuss with another for their opinion of how you handled the discussion Guidelines for Interpersonal Communication Competence
6) Commit to Effective and Ethical Communication • Respect yourself and your opinions – Know you! • Respect others as unique (no stereotypes or grouping as a member of a group – men, co-workers, administrators, the government, meat eaters, etc.) • Be committed to the communication process (It is interactive, takes time, and things don’t always go as we planned. And, look for win/win scenarios.) • And, remember sometimes its OK to walk away • To see the forest for the trees - If someone can't see the forest for its trees, they are too focused on specific details to see the picture as a whole. Guidelines for Interpersonal Communication Competence
Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.