Sebastian Fuentes: The Year in Review

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Information about Sebastian Fuentes: The Year in Review
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Published on August 3, 2009

Author: lwehrmeyer

Source: authorstream.com

Friends. Foes. Fellow Badasses. : Friends. Foes. Fellow Badasses. It is my painful duty to present the following. : It is my painful duty to present the following. A day that will live in infamy... : A day that will live in infamy... (August 6) Birthday of this man: : Birthday of this man: Well, well, well, SEBASTIAN FUENTES. : Well, well, well, SEBASTIAN FUENTES. Another year has passed. You have not grown any taller. You still have not won the Nathan’s hotdog eating competition. But let us not dwell on your failures. … On second thought, let’s. Dwelling… : Dwelling… Beautiful. : Beautiful. But no, there is much more to discuss. : But no, there is much more to discuss. August 6, after all, comes but once a year. : August 6, after all, comes but once a year. And so, on this day, I give you… : And so, on this day, I give you… Without further ado… : Without further ado… And definitely no more introductions… : And definitely no more introductions… (Certainly not one more just for comic effect…) : (Certainly not one more just for comic effect…) SEBASTIAN FUENTES: : SEBASTIAN FUENTES: The Year in Review AUGUST 2008 : AUGUST 2008 August 2008 : August 2008 Sebastian surpasses Mark Spitz in number of medals won in a single Olympics, totalling 8… August 2008 : August 2008 …indulges in a period of Somalian pirating… August 2008 : August 2008 …and turns 50. SEPTEMBER 2008 : SEPTEMBER 2008 September 2008 : September 2008 Sebastian makes Category II landfall in Texas, causing widespread destruction and mayhem… September 2008 : September 2008 …and sees Russia from his house. OCTOBER 2008 : OCTOBER 2008 October 2008 : October 2008 Sebastian merges with Northwest Airlines, making him the largest commercial carrier in the world… October 2008 : October 2008 …and reprises his teenage heartthrob role in High School Musical 3: The Senior Year. NOVEMBER 2008 : NOVEMBER 2008 November 2008 : November 2008 Sebastian becomes the first black President-elect of the United States of America… November 2008 : November 2008 …only to lose his fortune in the continued downward economic spiral. DECEMBER 2008 : DECEMBER 2008 December 2008 : December 2008 Despite cleverly disguised mental distress, Sebastian makes a stunning comeback with a breakthrough album for the whole family… December 2008 : December 2008 …and celebrates Christmas the only way he knows how. JANUARY 2009 : JANUARY 2009 January 2009 : January 2009 Following a two-month bender of epic proportions, Sebastian is at long last inaugerated as the first black President of the United States of America… January 2009 : January 2009 …and wins a posthumous Golden Globe Award for his star turn in the film The Dark Knight. FEBRUARY 2009 : FEBRUARY 2009 (Are we done yet?) : (Are we done yet?) February 2009 : February 2009 Fresh off his victory in the U.S. election, Sebastian is inaugerated as the (not) first black prime minister of Zimbabwe… February 2009 : February 2009 ...and makes one special feline very happy. MARCH 2009 : MARCH 2009 March 2009 : March 2009 Sebastian makes his motion picture directorial debut to the fevered and excessive acclaim of nerds everywhere… March 2009 : March 2009 …and gets an early start on Cinco de Mayo celebrations. APRIL 2009 : APRIL 2009 (Seriously, how much longer?) : (Seriously, how much longer?) April 2009 : April 2009 Sebastian at long last contracts a disease as unspeakable as his own ethnic heritage… April 2009 : April 2009 …but recovers, to widespread grief and dismay. MAY 2009 : MAY 2009 May 2009 : May 2009 Sebastian celebrates the Buddha’s birthday with a little zen meditation of his own… May 2009 : May 2009 …and renews his appreciation for the other other white meat. JUNE 2009 : JUNE 2009 (Is anyone still with me?) : (Is anyone still with me?) June 2009 : June 2009 Sebastian passes away at his fabled estate, Neverland… June 2009 : June 2009 …but not before naming his successor. JULY 2009 : JULY 2009 (The final month.) : (The final month.) (Thank god.) : (Thank god.) July 2009 : July 2009 Sebastian single-handedly brings about the largest solar eclipse of the century… July 2009 : July 2009 ...does a whole lot more of this… July 2009 : July 2009 … July 2009 : July 2009 And, finally… July 2009 : July 2009 …breaks his 800th iPhone. To the surprise of no one. At all. Friends. : Friends. I would write a lengthy conclusion. But I am just too damn tired. The mental strain caused by looking at this many pictures of Sebastian cannot be overstated. I am sure you feel my pain. So happy birthday,SEBASTIAN FUENTES. : So happy birthday,SEBASTIAN FUENTES. And may there be many more. (Birthdays, not slide shows.) (I do not think my delicate stomach can handle any more of these.)

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