Published on June 17, 2007
Attraction and Intimacy: Liking and Loving Others: Attraction and Intimacy: Liking and Loving Others Chapter 11 Outline of Today’s Lecture: Outline of Today’s Lecture Bonding: Forming Relationships Love Maintaining Close Relationships Ending Relationships Bonding: Forming Relationships: Bonding: Forming Relationships Need to Belong A motivation to bond with others in relationships that provide ongoing, positive interactions Bonding: Forming Relationships: Bonding: Forming Relationships Proximity: Geographical nearness; this strongly predicts liking Bonding: Forming Relationships: Bonding: Forming Relationships Anticipatory Liking People like others they expect to meet more than people they do not expect to meet Bonding: Forming Relationships: Bonding: Forming Relationships Mere Exposure Effect The tendency for novel stimuli to be liked more or rated more positively after the rater has been repeatedly exposed to them Physical Attractiveness : Physical Attractiveness Attractiveness and mate selection Men are attracted to women with youthful physical features Women are attracted to men who look like they will be good providers (i.e., wealthy, powerful and ambitious men) Physical Attractiveness : Physical Attractiveness Attractiveness and mate selection Men feel most jealous over their mate having sex with someone else. Women feel more jealous over their mate becoming emotionally attached to someone else. Physical Attractiveness : Physical Attractiveness Attractiveness and mate selection Men tend to marry younger women. Women prefer to marry men just slightly older than themselves. Physical Attractiveness : Physical Attractiveness Attractiveness and dating Physical attractiveness matters to dating partners The Matching Phenomenon: The Matching Phenomenon The tendency for men and women to choose as partners those who are a 'good match' in attractiveness and other traits. Classroom Demonstration: Classroom Demonstration Why does the matching phenomenon occur? Card game – goal is to pair up with someone with the highest value as you can The Physical Attractiveness Stereotype: The Physical Attractiveness Stereotype The presumption that physically attractive people possess other socially desirable traits as well: What is beautiful is good. Contrast Effect: Contrast Effect Men who were exposed to extremely attractive women rated an average woman as less attractive than men who were not exposed to extremely attractive women Attractiveness of People we Love: Attractiveness of People we Love We perceive people that we like as more attractive over time Similarity and Complementarity: Similarity and Complementarity Similarity predicts liking The greater the similarity between husband and wife the happier they are and less likely they are to divorce Liking People who Like Us: Liking People who Like Us Researchers have found that discovering that someone likes us causes us to like them more This is particularly true of people who change their mind and end up liking us Classroom Exercise: Classroom Exercise Fill out Romantic Theories Questionnaire When you are finished, reverse code the following items: 2, 3, 5, 9, 10 To reverse code: 1 = 7, 2 = 6, 3 = 5, 4 = 4, 5 = 3, 6 = 2, 7 = 1 Add up all of your responses. Slide19: The Ingredients of Love Sternberg’s Triangular theory of love Passion Euphoria and sexual excitement. Intimacy Being free to talk about things, feeling close to and understood by loved ones. Commitment Needing to be with the other person; being loyal. Ideal love involves all three. Slide20: Intimacy (Liking) Companionate Love (Intimacy + Commitment) Romantic Love (Intimacy + Passion) Fatuous Love (Passion + Commitment) Passion (Infatuation) Commitment (Empty Love) Misattribution of Arousal: Misattribution of Arousal People sometime misattribute feelings of arousal to romantic interest Capilano Bridge study Slide22: Gender, Culture, and Love Males and females respond similarly to: Love at first sight Passionate love Unrequited love Being the break-up recipient Slide23: Gender, Culture, and Love Men and women differ in How they express love Men-doing; women-saying. How they define intimacy Men-hanging out; women-sharing feelings. Men and women used to have different goals in choices of partners Men-more romantic; Women-more pragmatic. As more women have become economically self-sufficient, differences have decreased. Maintaining Close Relationships: Maintaining Close Relationships Attachment Video Maintaining Relationships: Maintaining Relationships Self-disclosure: Revealing intimate aspects of oneself to others Disclosure Reciprocity: The tendency for one person’s intimacy of self-disclosure to match that of a conversational partner Ending Relationships: Ending Relationships Roughly 40% of marriages in Canada end in divorce Ending Relationships: Ending Relationships People usually stay married if they: Married after age 20 Both grew up in stable two-parent homes Dated for a long time before marriage Are well and similarly educated Enjoy a stable income from a good job Live in a small town or on a farm Do not cohabit of become pregnant before marriage Are religiously committed Are of similar age, faith and education
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