Keeping our Love "On": Emotions & Boundaries

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Information about Keeping our Love "On": Emotions & Boundaries

Published on March 2, 2014

Author: rfochler



We're called to love. There is nothing more important or transformational. And we also struggle about how to really love. This talk is part of a series exploring/unpacking Danny Silk's message and book "Keep Your Love On". For more info - and access to the audio of the talks, please go to

Keeping our Love “On”: Emotions & Boundaries Russ Fochler March 1, 2014

How do I “Keep my Love “On”? • With people who are scaring me? • With everyone? (That is a lot of people!) • Without being used-up and consumed by the needs of others?

Last Week GETTING FREE OF SAUL’S ARMOR Susan Fochler February 22, 2014

T extremes of “Saul’s armor” wo Hard-Hearted, quick to reject. look for rejection and get offended; I’ll reject you before you reject me. Overly Compliant and People-pleasing; afraid to be honest with our own needs and desires. Both responses are caused by Fear, and lack of love for, and belief in, yourself.

What would it look like if God was your armor?

Love is Supernatural Loving Others, not by trying hard to “be nice”, but by first receiving love from God for yourself, and living from that stream.

What about people who scare me? “When we are confronted with people who scare us, fear makes it difficult for us to remember that they are worthy of love.” - Danny Lee Silk

But Jesus.... Jesus never let fear overpower Him, He constantly showed us who was worthy: enemies, children, sinners, women, extorters, prostitutes, soldiers, politicians, the sick and diseased, highclass, low class, religious, nonreligious. Everyone. - Danny Lee Silk

Does the Emotion of Fear • Ever seem to “take you over”? • It does with me sometimes • A recent story....

Is This an Existential Threat? • When people are upset with us and forcefully “press us” implying: • “You are not enough” • Existential threat? • Fear! • “Do I fight?” or “Do I try to run away” or “Do I freeze”

Our Hierarchal Brain Source:

Control of the Brain During Distress & Suffering • The brain is not configured in a way that makes obedience through logical, language based propositions possible during distress and suffering. • The only way we can avoid sin (missing the mark) while using a human brain is to learn to synchronize with God while we are suffering. Joy makes this possible. James Wilder - Neurotheology & The Life Model Source -

“If the emotional control center of the brain has the last word and takes over when hard times and strong feelings come, then a spiritual life that changes what we do in the hard times must be learned in the presence of our emotions and will not be helped by banishing them.” James Wilder - Neurotheology & The Life Model

Staying Connected While Upset “We would not abandon each other or miss chances to be together just because we were upset—not because we eliminated emotions, but because we formed relationships based on love that is stronger than our fear of pain. James Wilder - Neurotheology & The Life Model

Able to Stay Connected “We would learn to feel strongly yet stay together and give life. This kind of face-toface relationship when we are upset is just what is needed to train a young or poorly developed control center to handle distress. That would be a spiritual life that would change character.” James Wilder - Neurotheology & The Life Model

How do I “Keep my Love “on”? • With people who are scaring me? •Withiseveryone? (That a lot of people!) • Without being used-up and consumed by the needs of others?

How Much Access?

Not Everyone Can Have the Same Access to Me

But.... • We can focus our love towards the one that God puts in front of us! • “Love the one” - Heidi Baker • We can love and pray for the ones that the Holy Spirit brings to our heart and mind. • And I believe that our human spirit is capable of allowing the Love of God to flow through us to entire groups.

How do I “Keep my Love “on”? • With people who are scaring me? • With everyone? (That is a lot of people!) • Without being used-up and consumed by the needs of others?

Value Your Life as God Does Do whatever you need to do so you can receive His love for you. Take care of yourself. The more you receive His love, the more you will learn to value your life as He does. The process of receiving God’s value for your life is what anchors you in setting healthy boundaries. Pg 137-138 “Keep Your Love On”

Not Everyone Can Have the Same Access to Me

Tending our own Garden Means that we will have value to offer to our King and to others

How Do I Respond to... “Consumers”? Mine! Mine... Mine... Mine! Mine Mine...

The “God” Spot

Deeply Attaching to God • Is through mutual joy with Him • Through exchanges of love and affection - “face to face” • And through experiencing a “quieting” with Him. • “The Lord (Yahweh) your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” Zeph 3:17 NKJV

“This is what God's love does-- it casts out fear and destroys every dividing wall created by fear. It heals all disconnection between God and His children, between each of His sons and daughters.” Danny Lee Silk

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