Intentional Conversation

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Information about Intentional Conversation
Education

Published on February 6, 2014

Author: bmunson3

Source: slideshare.net

Description

Focus on Intentional Dialogue (for understanding) and Intentional Confrontation (for change). But looks at the concept of intentional conversation also in more general terms.

Intentional Conversation Mini-Workshop Bukal Life Care Presented by Robert Munson, ThD

Communication There are four basic forms of human communication: -Verbal -Non-Verbal -Written -Visual <We will focus on Verbal and Non-verbal>

Intentional Conversation? Definition: A crucial conversation is a discussion between two or more people where (1) stakes are high (2) opinions vary (3) emotions run strong. (Patterson) In these situations, there is a desire of one to change the mind of the other or gain understanding (of the other or from the other).

Intentional Conversation? Definition: A crucial conversation is a discussion between two or more people where (1) stakes are high (2) opinions vary (3) emotions run strong. (Patterson) In these situations, there is a desire of one to change the mind of the other or gain understanding (of the other or from the other).

Communication with a Purpose One-Way Two-Way Communication Communication Teaching/ Seeking Understanding Lecture Dialogue/ Discussion Seeking Change Argument/ Apologetics/ Confrontation Preaching/ Polemics We will focus on two-way communication, so we will focus on dialogue and confrontation.

When is an Intentional Conversation needed? Whenever you -feel uncomfortable, -have second thoughts, or -try to avoid saying what you need to say, what you aren’t saying is your hard conversation. (Abrams)

What if we need to have an intentional conversations but don't? -Our beliefs and our actions are not aligned -We experience a high level of tension, discomfort, stress. -We give support to what is wrong through silence and inaction. -Our trustworthiness can be questioned. -Relationships we want to protect become strained and damaged.

Successful Intentional Conversations require a PLAN Goal, Situation, Script <As such, it will feel strange... artificial... fake. But give it a chance. Preaching and teaching utilizes plans.>

Plan (Goal/Situation/Script) Action/Conversation Evaluate Follow-up

1. Goal a. b. c. d. Seek to understand? Seek understanding? Seek to change? Seek change? <Should the goal be known by the other or a surprise?>

2. Situation a. When would be a good time? b. What would be a good place? c. What would be the right emotional state? <Can a location of a meeting affect the outcome?>

3. Script a. Semi-structured b. Thought through c. Practiced <Should one use notes?>cc

Intentional Dialogue This is for gaining understanding. Typically, the need for dialogue is related more to understanding of values and feelings more than about facts. v Typically, the need is to focus more on perceptions than “truth” or blame.

Intentional Dialogue <See Handout. Divide into groups and then into 2s. Others can critique.>     “A” share a BIG moment (happy or sad). “B” Mirror v “B” Validate “B” Empathize

Intentional Confrontation Guidelines (Maxwell) -Confront ASAP (right time and place) -Separate the person from their actions -Only confront what the person can change -Give person the benefit of the doubt v -Be specific -Avoid sarcasm -Avoid words like ‘always’ and ‘never’ -Express feelings -Give a “game plan” -Affirm the person

Intentional Confrontation A Simple 3-Step Plan is the “A.I.R.” Plan  “A” is for Awareness. Make the other aware of the situation/concern.  “I” is for Impact. Make the other aware of the v impact on work/relationship/others.  “R” is for Request. Make the other aware of what you desire to be different. <Note: if no resolution is achieved, seek collaboration. “What do you think can be done to resolve this issue?>

Intentional Confrontation <See Handout. The handout is a plan for personal relationships. Break into groups and then into 2s. “A” and “B”>  Frustrating Behavior  My Feeling v  My Story  My Reactive Behavior  My Fear  My Childhood Response  My Desire

Intentional Confrontation If you simply want to attack or blame... you don't need intentional communication/ confrontation. Intentional communication in confrontation is beneficial when the goal is correction and v reconciliation.

Is Intentional Conversation Always Successful? NO!!! -Intentional dialogue requires mutual respect. -Intentional confrontation requires a willingness for both parties to grow and reconcile. (Mediation may be required). v Other types of intentional conversation can also fail (ask any salesman... no words can guarantee results). All one can do is plan for success.

References -Leverington, John and Becky. Marriage Encounter Training Handouts. October 2012. Narramore Christian Foundation. Chiang Mai, Thailand. -Maxwell, John. “Developing the Leaders Around You.” -Maybin, Sarita. “If You Can’t Say Something Nice, What Do You Say?” -”courageousintentionalconversations.ppt” at http://2011e1690.wikispaces.com.

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