G & D Ch. 12

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Information about G & D Ch. 12
Education

Published on February 12, 2009

Author: alxndr01

Source: slideshare.net

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Socioemotional Development in Early Adulthood

CHAPTER 12 Relationships in Early & Middle Adulthood

Love 3 Basic Components : Passion Intense physiological desire for someone Intimacy Feeling you can share all your thoughts & actions with another Commitment Willingness to stay with a person through good & bad times

3 Basic Components :

Passion

Intense physiological desire for someone

Intimacy

Feeling you can share all your thoughts & actions with another

Commitment

Willingness to stay with a person through good & bad times

Love Through Adulthood Early on, passion is high Intimacy & commitment are low This is infatuation Intense, physically based relationship in which the 2 people have a high risk of misunderstanding & jealousy As passion fades, relationship either acquires emotional intimacy or will end Trust, honesty, openness, & acceptance must be part of any strong relationship Will make romantic love develop

Early on, passion is high

Intimacy & commitment are low

This is infatuation

Intense, physically based relationship in which the 2 people have a high risk of misunderstanding & jealousy

As passion fades, relationship either acquires emotional intimacy or will end

Trust, honesty, openness, & acceptance must be part of any strong relationship

Will make romantic love develop

Falling in love Assortative mating explains falling in love People find partners based on their similarity to each other Occurs along many dimensions: e.g. religious beliefs, physical traits, age, socioeconomic status, intelligence, political ideology, values, interests Homogamy Degree to which people are similar People apply 3 filters when meeting someone: 1. Stimulus (i.e. Appearance, social class, manners) 2. Values (i.e. Similar re: sex, religion, politics, etc.) 3. Role (i.e. Ideas about the relationship, communication style, gender roles, etc. match)

Assortative mating explains falling in love

People find partners based on their similarity to each other

Occurs along many dimensions:

e.g. religious beliefs, physical traits, age, socioeconomic status, intelligence, political ideology, values, interests

Homogamy

Degree to which people are similar

People apply 3 filters when meeting someone:

1. Stimulus (i.e. Appearance, social class, manners)

2. Values (i.e. Similar re: sex, religion, politics, etc.)

3. Role (i.e. Ideas about the relationship, communication style, gender roles, etc. match)

Falling in love Physical attractiveness important in love relationships Influences the way we fall in love Linked to feelings & thoughts associated with intimacy, passion, commitment & to satisfaction with the relationship Culture shapes mate selection Cultural norms are sometimes resistant to change

Physical attractiveness important in love relationships

Influences the way we fall in love

Linked to feelings & thoughts associated with intimacy, passion, commitment & to satisfaction with the relationship

Culture shapes mate selection

Cultural norms are sometimes resistant to change

Cohabitation About 5.5 million are living together Ages have changed In 1970 most were over 45 By 2000, most between 25 and 44

About 5.5 million are living together

Ages have changed

In 1970 most were over 45

By 2000, most between 25 and 44

Cohabitation 3 main reasons for living together: 1. Part-time or limited cohabitation - convenience, sharing expenses, sexual accessibility 2. Premarital cohabitation - a step toward marriage 3. Substitute marriage - long-term commitment without legal marriage Doesn’t make marriages better Marriages less happy with higher risk of divorce Doesn’t lessen depression & getting approval from friends Most cohabiting couples tend to be less conventional, less religious, & come from lower socioeconomic backgrounds all putting them at higher risk for divorce Marriage after living together is less a change in the relationship Lacks newly wedded bliss

3 main reasons for living together:

1. Part-time or limited cohabitation - convenience, sharing expenses, sexual accessibility

2. Premarital cohabitation - a step toward marriage

3. Substitute marriage - long-term commitment without legal marriage

Doesn’t make marriages better

Marriages less happy with higher risk of divorce

Doesn’t lessen depression & getting approval from friends

Most cohabiting couples tend to be less conventional, less religious, & come from lower socioeconomic backgrounds all putting them at higher risk for divorce

Marriage after living together is less a change in the relationship

Lacks newly wedded bliss

Cohabitation Negative relation between cohabiting & marital stability seems to be weakening Many more living together now than before More common Many countries giving same rights & benefits to cohabiting couples as married

Negative relation between cohabiting & marital stability seems to be weakening

Many more living together now than before

More common

Many countries giving same rights & benefits to cohabiting couples as married

Violence in Relationships Abusive relationship One person being aggressive toward the partner Battered woman syndrome When a woman believes she can’t leave the abusive situation & may even go so far as to kill her abuser A continuum of aggressive behaviors toward a spouse From verbally aggressive to physically aggressive, to severely physically aggressive, to murder Causes of abuse vary with type of abusive behavior being expressed

Abusive relationship

One person being aggressive toward the partner

Battered woman syndrome

When a woman believes she can’t leave the abusive situation & may even go so far as to kill her abuser

A continuum of aggressive behaviors toward a spouse

From verbally aggressive to physically aggressive, to severely physically aggressive, to murder

Causes of abuse vary with type of abusive behavior being expressed

Violence in Relationships Causes of aggressive behavior increases as the level of aggression increases Causes become more complex as level of aggression worsens Situational factors contribute at all levels Alcoholism, job stressors, unemployment Common couple violence: Violence that occurs occasionally & is instigated by either partner Patriarchal terrorism: Women who are victims of systematic violence from men

Causes of aggressive behavior increases as the level of aggression increases

Causes become more complex as level of aggression worsens

Situational factors contribute at all levels

Alcoholism, job stressors, unemployment

Common couple violence:

Violence that occurs occasionally & is instigated by either partner

Patriarchal terrorism:

Women who are victims of systematic violence from men

Violence in Relationships Gender differences in some underlying causes Most important 3: need to control, misuse of power, jealousy Some men want to make sure partner knows “who’s the boss” & makes the rules Culture important contextual factor Cultures that emphasize honor & portray females as passive, nurturing supporters of men’s activities, along with beliefs that emphasize loyalty & sacrifice for family can contribute

Gender differences in some underlying causes

Most important 3: need to control, misuse of power, jealousy

Some men want to make sure partner knows “who’s the boss” & makes the rules

Culture important contextual factor

Cultures that emphasize honor & portray females as passive, nurturing supporters of men’s activities, along with beliefs that emphasize loyalty & sacrifice for family can contribute

Violence in Relationships Abuse in dating 7% college students physical abuse, 36% emotional abuse Causes: being female, being involved in a love relationship, being over 20 years, having been physically abused by one’s partner, & having abused a partner increase chances

Abuse in dating

7% college students physical abuse, 36% emotional abuse

Causes: being female, being involved in a love relationship, being over 20 years, having been physically abused by one’s partner, & having abused a partner increase chances

Lifestyles Being Single 80% men & 70% women between 20 – 24 unmarried Many focus on establishing careers rather than marriage or relationships Others haven’t met “right person” or prefer being single Pressure for women to marry Women have unresolved or unrecognized ambivalences re: being single Men tend to remain single longer because they tend to marry at a later age than women Fewer men than women remain unmarried throughout adulthood Find partners more easily as they select from a larger age range of unmarried women Men tend to “marry down” in social status Women with higher levels of education overrepresented among unmarried adults compared with men of same level of education

Being Single

80% men & 70% women between 20 – 24 unmarried

Many focus on establishing careers rather than marriage or relationships

Others haven’t met “right person” or prefer being single

Pressure for women to marry

Women have unresolved or unrecognized ambivalences re: being single

Men tend to remain single longer because they tend to marry at a later age than women

Fewer men than women remain unmarried throughout adulthood

Find partners more easily as they select from a larger age range of unmarried women

Men tend to “marry down” in social status

Women with higher levels of education overrepresented among unmarried adults compared with men of same level of education

Lifestyles Ethnic differences reflect differences in age at marriage & social factors, esp. for African American males Major reasons: Shortage of marriageable males, poor economic opportunities, & lower life expectancy Singlehood among Latinos increasing Average age of Latinos in U.S. lower than other ethnic groups due partly to poor economic opportunities Latino men expect to marry because it indicates achievement

Ethnic differences reflect differences in age at marriage & social factors, esp. for African American males

Major reasons:

Shortage of marriageable males, poor economic opportunities, & lower life expectancy

Singlehood among Latinos increasing

Average age of Latinos in U.S. lower than other ethnic groups due partly to poor economic opportunities

Latino men expect to marry because it indicates achievement

Lifestyles 3 distinct groups of never married women in their 30s Some suffer with acute distress about being single & long to be married with children Others describe volatile emotional situation Others say they are quite happy with healthy self-image & high quality of life For most, singlehood is by circumstance rather than choice Pluses & minuses with singlehood Higher mortality rates & rates of alcoholism, suicide, & mental health problems with men Single women tend to be mugged, raped, or burglarized & encounter more problems traveling than married

3 distinct groups of never married women in their 30s

Some suffer with acute distress about being single & long to be married with children

Others describe volatile emotional situation

Others say they are quite happy with healthy self-image & high quality of life

For most, singlehood is by circumstance rather than choice

Pluses & minuses with singlehood

Higher mortality rates & rates of alcoholism, suicide, & mental health problems with men

Single women tend to be mugged, raped, or burglarized & encounter more problems traveling than married

Gay & Lesbian Couples Not much different than heterosexuals Problems w/finances, lack of equality in relationship, possessiveness, personal flaws, dissatisfaction over sex, physical absence due to work or education commitments Support from family The more traditional the ethnic or religious values, the less likely the family will provide support

Not much different than heterosexuals

Problems w/finances, lack of equality in relationship, possessiveness, personal flaws, dissatisfaction over sex, physical absence due to work or education commitments

Support from family

The more traditional the ethnic or religious values, the less likely the family will provide support

Marriage Age 1st important factor due to psychological development Erikson - intimacy important in young adulthood Must have developed a strong sense of identity in adolescence Similarity of interests 2nd important factor Must share similar values, goals, attitudes, socioeconomic status, & ethnic background Equality in the relationship 3rd important factor Exchange theory: each partner contributes something to the relationship the other would find difficult to provide

Age 1st important factor due to psychological development

Erikson - intimacy important in young adulthood

Must have developed a strong sense of identity in adolescence

Similarity of interests 2nd important factor

Must share similar values, goals, attitudes, socioeconomic status, & ethnic background

Equality in the relationship 3rd important factor

Exchange theory: each partner contributes something to the relationship the other would find difficult to provide

Marriage Happiness Beliefs brought into marriage influence how satisfied they will be as marriage develops Overall satisfaction ebbs & flows Pattern depends on nature of dependence of each spouse on the other Dependence is about equal bring strength to the marriage & less conflict

Happiness

Beliefs brought into marriage influence how satisfied they will be as marriage develops

Overall satisfaction ebbs & flows

Pattern depends on nature of dependence of each spouse on the other

Dependence is about equal bring strength to the marriage & less conflict

Marriage Must learn to adjust to different perceptions & expectations they have Less educated couples have greater dissatisfaction than those who pool their resources Couples settle into a routine with decline in satisfaction Primary reason for routine & decline is birth of children With parenthood there’s less time devoted to the marriage Child-free couples also experience decline in satisfaction Seems to be common in all couples over time Disillusionment, a decline in feeling in love, demonstrations of affection, & in the feeling that one’s spouse is responsive, & increase in feelings of ambivalence

Must learn to adjust to different perceptions & expectations they have

Less educated couples have greater dissatisfaction than those who pool their resources

Couples settle into a routine with decline in satisfaction

Primary reason for routine & decline is birth of children

With parenthood there’s less time devoted to the marriage

Child-free couples also experience decline in satisfaction

Seems to be common in all couples over time

Disillusionment, a decline in feeling in love, demonstrations of affection, & in the feeling that one’s spouse is responsive, & increase in feelings of ambivalence

Marriage Midlife marriage For most, satisfaction improves after children leave Empty nest Gives middle age couple chance to relax & spend more time together For some, satisfaction continues to be low May have grown apart but continue to live together: Referred to as married singles Older couples Marital satisfaction among older couples increases after retirement & decreases with age Level of satisfaction unrelated to amt. of past or present sexual interest or sexual activity Positively related to degree of interaction with friends Many have detached, contented style of marriage

Midlife marriage

For most, satisfaction improves after children leave

Empty nest

Gives middle age couple chance to relax & spend more time together

For some, satisfaction continues to be low

May have grown apart but continue to live together:

Referred to as married singles

Older couples

Marital satisfaction among older couples increases after retirement & decreases with age

Level of satisfaction unrelated to amt. of past or present sexual interest or sexual activity

Positively related to degree of interaction with friends

Many have detached, contented style of marriage

Keeping Marriage Happy Must be flexible & adaptable Marrieds over the years demonstrate ability to roll with the punches & adapt to changing circumstances How well couples communicate thoughts, actions, & feelings determines level of conflict & level of happiness Takes love, humor, & perseverance to stay happy 7 key ingredients in happy marriage: 1. Make time for the relationship 2. Express love to your spouse 3. Be there in times of need 4. Communicate constructively & positively about problems in the relationship 5. Be interested in your spouse’s life 6. Confide in your spouse 7. Forgive minor offenses & try to understand major ones

Must be flexible & adaptable

Marrieds over the years demonstrate ability to roll with the punches & adapt to changing circumstances

How well couples communicate thoughts, actions, & feelings determines level of conflict & level of happiness

Takes love, humor, & perseverance to stay happy

7 key ingredients in happy marriage:

1. Make time for the relationship

2. Express love to your spouse

3. Be there in times of need

4. Communicate constructively & positively about problems in the relationship

5. Be interested in your spouse’s life

6. Confide in your spouse

7. Forgive minor offenses & try to understand major ones

Family Life Cycle 2 Types of Families: 1. Nuclear family Consists of only parent(s) & child(ren) 2. Extended family Grandparents & other relatives live with parents & children 1st pregnancy is a milestone event with benefits & costs Important considerations: 1. Relationships with own parents 2. Marital stability 3. Career satisfaction 4. Finances Finances of greatest concern, e.g. children are expensive: $250 K over 17 years for necessities only

2 Types of Families:

1. Nuclear family

Consists of only parent(s) & child(ren)

2. Extended family

Grandparents & other relatives live with parents & children

1st pregnancy is a milestone event with benefits & costs

Important considerations:

1. Relationships with own parents

2. Marital stability

3. Career satisfaction

4. Finances

Finances of greatest concern, e.g. children are expensive: $250 K over 17 years for necessities only

Family Life Cycle Parental role Have fewer children than past Parenting skills are not natural Must be acquired Ethnic diversity & parenting Ethnic background matters in family structure & parent-child relationship

Parental role

Have fewer children than past

Parenting skills are not natural

Must be acquired

Ethnic diversity & parenting

Ethnic background matters in family structure & parent-child relationship

Family Life Cycle Single Parents 70% of births to African American mothers, 40% to Latina mothers, & 20% to European American mother out of wedlock Single parents obstacles Financially Integrating roles of work & parenthood

Single Parents

70% of births to African American mothers, 40% to Latina mothers, & 20% to European American mother out of wedlock

Single parents obstacles

Financially

Integrating roles of work & parenthood

Alternative Forms of Parenting 1/3 of North American couples are stepparents or foster or adoptive parents Big issue: strength of bonding of children Infants less than 1 year will probably bond well Older have probably formed attachments to biological parents Many stepparents & stepchildren develop good relationships Adoptive parents contend with attachment to birth parents in different ways Want to meet them Foster parent have most tenuous relationship Bond can form & be broken Must provide secure homes but won’t have children long enough to establish continuity Children of gay or lesbian couples Parent’s don’t experience any more problems than children of heterosexual Children raised by gay or lesbian couples do not develop sexual identity or any other problems than heterosexual

1/3 of North American couples are stepparents or foster or adoptive parents

Big issue: strength of bonding of children

Infants less than 1 year will probably bond well

Older have probably formed attachments to biological parents

Many stepparents & stepchildren develop good relationships

Adoptive parents contend with attachment to birth parents in different ways

Want to meet them

Foster parent have most tenuous relationship

Bond can form & be broken

Must provide secure homes but won’t have children long enough to establish continuity

Children of gay or lesbian couples

Parent’s don’t experience any more problems than children of heterosexual

Children raised by gay or lesbian couples do not develop sexual identity or any other problems than heterosexual

Divorce 90% of all divorces not contested or settled out of court 70% of time mother gets custody Father is occasional parent Women become primary custodial parent Fathers don’t remain active in children’s lives Children’s needs change & anticipating these needs Requires frequent contact Noncustodial fathers find it difficult to develop good relationships with children Often, wives express anger by limiting contact Divorced fathers become peripheral in their children’s lives, often through no fault of their own

90% of all divorces not contested or settled out of court

70% of time mother gets custody

Father is occasional parent

Women become primary custodial parent

Fathers don’t remain active in children’s lives

Children’s needs change & anticipating these needs Requires frequent contact

Noncustodial fathers find it difficult to develop good relationships with children

Often, wives express anger by limiting contact

Divorced fathers become peripheral in their children’s lives, often through no fault of their own

Effects of Divorce Men shocked by breakup esp. if wife filed Men more likely blamed for problems leading to divorce, to accept the blame, to move out, & have social life disrupted Women affected differently Divorced mothers have fewer prospects for potential remarriage Have to establish new friendships with custody of children Financial disadvantage

Men shocked by breakup esp. if wife filed

Men more likely blamed for problems leading to divorce, to accept the blame, to move out, & have social life disrupted

Women affected differently

Divorced mothers have fewer prospects for potential remarriage

Have to establish new friendships with custody of children

Financial disadvantage

Divorce & Remarriage Reasons for Divorce U.S. divorce rate higher than many other countries Factors African Americans more likely to divorce Hispanics show variability Ethnically mixed more likely to divorce than homogenous With no fault divorce & changing expectations re: marriage reasons became communication problems, unhappiness, & incompatibility Divorce rate reflects higher expectations of marriage Couples expect partners will help them grow personally & provide more than financial support

Reasons for Divorce

U.S. divorce rate higher than many other countries

Factors

African Americans more likely to divorce

Hispanics show variability

Ethnically mixed more likely to divorce than homogenous

With no fault divorce & changing expectations re: marriage reasons became communication problems, unhappiness, & incompatibility

Divorce rate reflects higher expectations of marriage

Couples expect partners will help them grow personally & provide more than financial support

Remarriage Men generally wait 4 years before remarrying Marriage rates vary across ethnic groups Few differences between 1st & remarriages African American 2nd marriages have 25% higher risk of divorce than 1st marriages With stepchildren, 3 times higher Women generally initiate divorce & less likely to remarry Women tend to benefit more from remarriage than men Divorced men without children tend to marry women who have never been married Divorced men with children tend to marry divorced women Men with higher education more likely to remarry female with same

Men generally wait 4 years before remarrying

Marriage rates vary across ethnic groups

Few differences between 1st & remarriages

African American 2nd marriages have 25% higher risk of divorce than 1st marriages

With stepchildren, 3 times higher

Women generally initiate divorce & less likely to remarry

Women tend to benefit more from remarriage than men

Divorced men without children tend to marry women who have never been married

Divorced men with children tend to marry divorced women

Men with higher education more likely to remarry female with same

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