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Information about Co-dependency_presentation_Oct_2006

Published on December 15, 2008

Author: aSGuest6673


Slide 1: A spiritual condition, the shadow of our love nature… a “dis-ease” of unequal relationships being acted out, of giving our power away. CO-DEPENDENCY A DISEASE OF LOST SELFHOOD Slide 2: Not only an addiction but a contagious or acquired illness Preoccupation with others – we neglect who we really are Most common of all addictions: the addiction of looking elsewhere Belief that something outside of ourselves can give us happiness and fulfillment CO-DEPENDENCY WHAT IS IT? Slide 3: Is focusing on the needs and behaviours of others Neglect of own self Payoff = lessening in painful feelings or a temporary boost in joyful feelings We learn to be co-dependent from others around us: teachers, parents, siblings, friends, heroes/heroines CO-DEPENDENCY WHAT IS IT? Slide 4: CO-DEPENDENCY Tangled relationships- including self, others, and if we choose, our Higher Power Comes from trying to protect our delicate True Self (Child Within) from what may appear to be overwhelming forces outside ourselves WHAT IS IT? Slide 5: CO-DEPENDENCY Co-dependence is usually the base out of which all other addictions + compulsions emerge Underneath nearly every addiction + compulsion lies co-dependence Like other addictions + disorders, co-dependence has been viewed as being an escape from the pain of everyday living WHAT IS IT? Slide 6: Characteristics CO-DEPENDENCY It is learned and acquired It is developmental It is outer focused It is a disease of lost self-hood It has personal boundary distortions It is a feeling disorder: displayed with feelings of emptiness, low self-esteem + shame, fear, anger, confusion, + numbness Slide 7: 7. It produces relationship difficulties with self + others CO-DEPENDENCY 8. It is first in a series of sequence 9. It is habit-forming 10. It can get worse 11. It is harmful 12. IT IS TREATABLE Characteristics Slide 8: My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you + receiving approval from you Your struggles affect my serenity. I focus my mental attention on solving your problems or relieving your pain I focus my mental attention on pleasing you, protecting you or manipulating you to “do it my way” CO-DEPENDENCY Characteristics Slide 9: I bolster my self-esteem by solving your problems and relieving your pain I put aside my own hobbies + interests. I spend my time sharing your interests + hobbies Because I feel you are a reflection of me, my desires dictate your clothing + personal appearance My desires dictate your behaviour CO-DEPENDENCY Characteristics Slide 10: I am not aware of what I want. I ask you what you want If I am not aware of something, I assume (I don’t ask or verify it in some other way) The dreams I have for my future are linked to you My fear of your anger + rejection determines what I say or do CO-DEPENDENCY Characteristics Slide 11: In our relationship I use giving as a way of feeling safe As I involve myself with you, my social circle fades away To connect with you, I put my values aside I value your opinion + way of doing things more than my own The quality of my life depends on the quality of yours CO-DEPENDENCY Characteristics Slide 12: 1. RESCUERS + FIXERS Try to rescue, fix or help others but neglect self Lose identity in others This is a survival technique learned while growing up in a dysfunctional family of origin CO-DEPENDENCY Traits or Patterns of Behaviour Personality Slide 13: 2. PEOPLE PLEASERS Have unhealthy personal boundaries + limits Would rather comply with others Hard time saying no to others Part of their recovery includes learning to say no People pleasing is a subtle form of manipulation + control CO-DEPENDENCY Traits or Patterns of Behaviour Personality Slide 14: 3. OVERACHIEVERS Feel empty from loss of their True Self Try to fill emptiness with achievements This emptiness is not due to lack of achievement thus the relief does not last long CO-DEPENDENCY Traits or Patterns of Behaviour Personality Slide 15: 4. INADEQUATE ONES OR FAILURES Feel as empty as their seeming opposite-overachievers Low self-esteem + a recurring feeling of shame Feel imperfect, incomplete, inadequate, not good enough, bad, rotten, + flawed at their core CO-DEPENDENCY Traits or Patterns of Behaviour Personality Slide 16: 5. PERFECTIONISTS Driven by fear of failure + the need to avoid being wrong or making mistakes Can drive themselves + others around them nearly crazy in the attempt of perfection Unhealthy preoccupation with perfection CO-DEPENDENCY Traits or Patterns of Behaviour Personality Slide 17: 6. VICTIMS Can present as the “sick one” Chronic illness Can present as the “bad one”, the delinquent or scapegoat – always in trouble Admits + expresses self-pity – “no one understands them” Often whine while they tell their stories of woe CO-DEPENDENCY Traits or Patterns of Behaviour Personality Slide 18: 6. VICTIMS cont’d May toy with getting help but rarely commit or follow through They run from taking responsibility for self-improvement Often lure rescuers, fixers, + helping professionals to try to help them, so they can shame or otherwise punish them for not really helping CO-DEPENDENCY Traits or Patterns of Behaviour Personality Slide 19: 6. VICTIMS cont’d Live mostly in the past reciting an endless string of “If only’s” Want others to feel sorry for them CO-DEPENDENCY Traits or Patterns of Behaviour Personality Slide 20: 7. MARTYRS More difficult to assist in recovery than victims because they deny what the victim admits Self-pity, feeling misunderstood, unappreciated, burdened, + hopeless Their behaviour speaks louder than words Often sigh, refusing all suggestions or help + say they already know all of these, have tried them + they don’t work CO-DEPENDENCY Traits or Patterns of Behaviour Personality Slide 21: 7. MARTYRS cont’d Victimhood is more difficult to recognize-they can look good on the surface Don’t or won’t take responsibility for their lives Often suggest that they have “too much” responsibility + may disguise themselves as rescuers or fixers CO-DEPENDENCY Traits or Patterns of Behaviour Personality Slide 22: 7. MARTYRS cont’d Live mostly in the future, pretending to be done with the past Both victims + martyrs refuse to face + feel their pain CO-DEPENDENCY Traits or Patterns of Behaviour Personality Slide 23: 8. ADDICTED ONES People may be addicted to things other than alcohol or drugs, including-other people, places, things, behaviours, or experiences Common addictions include: eating disorders, sex, work, money related (ie. spending, shopping, gambling), relationships CO-DEPENDENCY Examples of Behaviour Personality Slide 24: 9. COMPULSIVE ONES Similar to addicted ones May be difficult to differentiate some compulsions from addictions One important difference is that compulsions tend to have less severe consequences Compulsive neatness may not be identified as easily by friends, family, or by helping professionals CO-DEPENDENCY Examples of Behaviour Personality Slide 25: 10. GRANDIOSE ONES Over confident + grandiose (trying to be grand, impressive, take advantage of others) Men may appear to be “macho” Women may have over-exaggerated femininity or be fragile, or frail This guise is related to ego inflation CO-DEPENDENCY Examples of Behaviour Personality Slide 26: 10. GRANDIOSE ONES CONT’D Being humble does not mean groveling or being like a doormat, but being open to learning about self, others, and one’s Higher Power CO-DEPENDENCY Examples of Behaviour Personality Slide 27: 11. SELFISH OR NARCISSTIC ONES Have underlying low self-esteem May try to fill themselves with an over-attention on self to the detriment of others Opposite of what most co-dependents do, who focus on others to the detriment of self CO-DEPENDENCY Examples of Behaviour Personality Slide 28: 11. SELFISH OR NARCISSTIC ONES cont’d Still considered co-dependent-they have a lost self due to focusing on others to fill their need for perfect mirroring Narcissists usually abuse or mistreat others, often subtly CO-DEPENDENCY Examples of Behaviour Personality Slide 29: 12. BULLIES Insecure + alienated from True Self May lash out at others to feel stronger 13. ABUSERS Also insecure, alienated from T.S. Try to control others physically or emotionally in order to feel in control of themselves CO-DEPENDENCY Examples of Behaviour Personality Slide 30: 14. LOST CHILDREN Often 3rd born or later child in a dysfunctional family Feel so overwhelmed by trying to get appropriate attention + to getting their needs met, that they give up + withdraw May become victims, martyrs, or stoic (a person who displays great self-control and is largely indifferent to pleasure + pain) CO-DEPENDENCY Examples of Behaviour Personality Slide 31: 15. COMEDIAN/LITTLE PRINCESS Also called mascots or family pets Learned to get attention + survive in their family by being funny or cute Behaviour can be carried into adult life to defend against intimacy + pain or to manipulate, control or hurt others Humour can be a double-edged sword Used in healthy + unhealthy ways CO-DEPENDENCY Examples of Behaviour Personality Slide 32: Co-dependents may draw on any of the less desirable traits as they transform them into healthier ones Person thus transforms the curse into a gift CO-DEPENDENCY RECOVERY Slide 33: Important to learn to get healthy needs met, to be self-caring, + to learn about some characteristics of unsafe people To survive, we have unconsciously been forced to give away our Personal Power. To reclaim our personal power, we can use a simple formula CO-DEPENDENCY RECOVERY Slide 34: P = A + R Personal Power = Awareness + Responsibility I hope to have accomplished a little bit of awareness, the rest (responsibility) is up to you. RECOVERY Slide 35: The way to the light is through the darkness. RECOVERY Slide 36: Information found in the book “Co-dependence, Healing The Human Condition” Written by Charles L. Whitfield, M.D. :  References Women in prison used sources available to them to create their PowerPoint presentations, such as books loaned from the prison library and/or Internet downloads performed by prison staff and volunteers

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