Building Relationships

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Information about Building Relationships

Published on December 24, 2007

Author: Denise


Slide1:  Strengthening Relationships A Life Skills Workshop Presented by Student Counseling Services Slide2:  “To have a friend, be a friend.” Slide3:  “Friendship is not won by the giving of things, but by the giving of the heart.” --- Roy Lessin Slide4:  Relationship: the state of being related. Related: 1. connected by some understood relationship. 2. connected through membership in the same family. The key is CONNECTION. Slide5:  Relationship Assumptions Successful relationships are basic to successful living. Keeping relationships healthy deserves a high priority. Your marriage or significant other is your most important relationship. You can learn to understand how to make your relationship work. Slide6:  Types of Relationships Family relationships Occasional (“anonymous”) relationships – clerks, waiters Casual relationships (acquaintances) – some people at work, professors, classmates Friendships – people with whom you seek interactions, whose company you enjoy Romantic relationships – passionate, emotional connection, usually reciprocal Slide7:  Aspects of Friendship Keeps confidence Loyalty Warmth/affection Supportiveness Frankness Sense of humor Willingness to make time for me Independence Good conversationalist Intelligence Social conscience Slide8:  Six Rules for Friends Share news of success with a friend. Show emotional support. Volunteer help in time of need. Strive to make a friend happy when in each other’s company. Trust and confide in each other. Stand up for a friend in his/her absence. Slide9:  Development of a Close Relationship Zero contact Stage 1: unilateral contact Stage 2: bilateral contact Stage 3: mutuality Slide10:  Intimacy in Communication Cliché Conversation Person 1 Person 2 Slide11:  Intimacy in Communication Cliché Facts, Conversation Other’s Ideas Person 1 Person 2 Slide12:  Intimacy in Communication Cliché Facts, Your Conversation Other’s Ideas Ideas & Opinions Person 1 Person 2 Slide13:  Intimacy in Communication Cliché Facts, Your Personal Conversation Other’s Ideas Information Ideas & Opinions Person 1 Person 2 Slide14:  Intimacy in Communication Cliché Facts, Your Personal Feelings Conversation Other’s Ideas Information About Each Ideas & Opinions Other Now Person 1 Person 2 Slide15:  Close Relationships Relatively long-lasting Frequent interaction Mutual activities Impact of interactions is strong Slide16:  “Marriage is not just a ‘happily ever after’ ending, but a lifetime of ‘I choose to love you’ beginnings.” --- Matt Anderson Why Marriages Succeed or Fail:  Why Marriages Succeed or Fail Dr. John Gottman Slide18:  “A lasting marriage results from a couple’s ability to resolve the conflicts that are inevitable in any relationship.” Styles of Marriages:  Styles of Marriages Validating Volatile Avoidant Validating:  Validating Listen and understand each partner’s point of view Value other while disagreeing more like problem-solving discussions negotiate compromises Value “we-ness” of relationship Risk: passionless arrangement Volatile:  Volatile Fight on grand scale--make up on grand scale Highly engaged with each other See selves as equal parties in relationship Easily express feelings, opinions, & thoughts Risk: slide into too much fighting Avoidant:  Avoidant Conflict minimizers Agree to disagree--shove it under the rug Low level of companionship High degree of autonomy Risk: Encountering problem too big to avoid Emotional Ecology:  Emotional Ecology Need to strike a balance of positive/negative magic ratio: 5 to 1 Healthy marriages represent three ways of adapting to achieve the balance Unhealthy marriages which do not adapt can be recognized by warning signs: “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse:  Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse Criticism Contempt Defensiveness Stonewalling Criticism:  Criticism Attacking someone’s personality rather than behavior Blaming & accusing “You…” statements Different from Complaining “I…” statements Present to a degree in all relationships Contempt:  Contempt Criticism with intention deeper, more personal attack Includes insults & name-calling hostile humor & mockery body language Results in decay of admiration or positive feelings for partner Defensiveness:  Defensiveness Elicited by criticism & contempt Includes: denying responsibility --making excuses disagreeing with mind reading --yes-butting cross complaining --Rubber man/woman repeating self --whining Result: obstructs communication--conflict escalates Stonewalling:  Stonewalling Communication shutdown Conveys disapproval, disgust, smugness Found in men more than women Cycle of Negativity:  Cycle of Negativity Four horsemen are hard to tame If unchecked, downward spiral/cascade occurs Flooding occurs--system overload Chronic flooding leads to distance/isolation cascade Strategy for Improvement:  Strategy for Improvement Calm down Speak nondefensively Validating Partner Overlearning--try & try again

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