Anger and Stress Management

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Information about Anger and Stress Management

Published on December 15, 2010

Author: Maharonga


Anger and Stress Management : Anger and Stress Management Personal Development Club 1 Tables of Contents : Tables of Contents Anger Management Anger – The Definition Sources of Anger Types and Levels of Anger Benefits and Drawbacks of Anger 12 Steps to Calm Yourself Letting Go and Forgiveness 12 Steps to Use Anger Constructively 10 Anger-Free Thoughts Gaining Supports 2 Tables of Contents : Tables of Contents Stress Management Stress – The Definition Types of Stress Sources of Stress Factors Influencing Reaction to Stress Coping with Stress – Effective Coping 5.1. Adopting Hardy Personalities 5.2. Staying in Good Mood 5.3. Becoming a Type B Personality 5.4. Changing Health-Related Habits Coping with Stress – Ineffective Coping 3 ANGER MANAGEMENT : ANGER MANAGEMENT 4 1. Anger – The Definition : 1. Anger – The Definition Anger – the emotion that makes us instinctively detect and respond to a threatening situation. Anger Myths: Males are more angrier than females Anger is bad (or anger is good) The older you get, the more irritable you are Anger is all in the mind Anger is all about getting even Only certain types of people have a problem with anger Anger result from human conflict 5 2. Sources of Anger : 2. Sources of Anger Hurt Frustration Harassment Personal attack Threat to people, things or ideas that we hold dearly. Anger management focuses on managing your response to anger, not anger itself. “Avoid 5 minutes of anger, survive from 5 years of regret.” 6 3. Types and Level of Anger : 3. Types and Level of Anger 7 4. Benefits and Drawbacks of Anger : 4. Benefits and Drawbacks of Anger Motives behind anger Seeking vengeance Bringing about a positive change Letting off the stream Benefits of anger Anger is a built-in resource Anger is invigorating Anger serves as a catalyst for new behavior Anger communicates Anger protects you from harm Anger is an antidote to impotence 8 4. Benefits and Drawbacks of Anger : 4. Benefits and Drawbacks of Anger Drawbacks of anger Robbing your energy Affect your health indirectly Smoking, drinking, obesity, high blood pressure, high cholesterol – etc. Affect your health directly Unsafe sex, on-the-job injuries, road rage, violence Sabotage your career Getting off the track easily, heading in the wrong direction, ask the wrong question, engaging in counter-productive behavior Ruin your marriage and/or other relationships Affect those who you care about 9 5. 12 Steps to Calm Yourself : 5. 12 Steps to Calm Yourself Step 1: Keep a “hostility log” Record what make you angry and how frequent Step 2: Acknowledge yourself Identify and accept that anger is your roadblock Step 3: Use your support network Gain support and motivation from your important people Step 4: Interrupt anger cycle Pause and take deep breaths Tell your self you can handle the situation Stop the negative thoughts 10 5. 12 Steps to Calm Yourself (cont.) : 5. 12 Steps to Calm Yourself (cont.) Step 5: Use empathy See from the perspective of those who make you angry. Keep in mind that people make mistakes, and through mistakes that people learn how to improve. Step 6: Laugh at yourself Keep sense of humor, don’t take things so seriously. Step 7: Relax Remember! The little things will not give you away. Step 8: Build trust Building trust with other people helps to reduce the likelihood of anger. 11 5. 12 Steps to Calm Yourself (cont.) : 5. 12 Steps to Calm Yourself (cont.) Step 9: Listen Miscommunication contributes to frustrating and mistrusting situations. Step 10: Be assertive Learn to assert yourself and let other people know your expectations, boundaries, issues – etc. Step 11: Live each day as if it is your last Life is short; better spend positively than negatively. Step 12: Forgive It’s not easy to let go past hurts and resentment, but the way to move your anger is to ‘forgive’. 12 6. Letting Go and Forgiveness : 6. Letting Go and Forgiveness Human are born with instinctual capacity for anger, but forgiving is a skill need to learn. Forgiveness takes time. Forgiveness requires supports. Forgiveness demands sacrifice. You have to be safe. You have to accept the frailty of human nature. You don’t have to forget the past. Holding to anger is like grasping a hot charcoal with an intent of throwing it to someone else. You are the one who gets burned. 13 6. Letting Go and Forgiveness (cont.) : 6. Letting Go and Forgiveness (cont.) Cost of holding anger You constantly relive the painful past Old anger finds its way into your present & future relationship You feel drained as a result of all that anger You continue to feel like a victim You lose sight of the positives in your life You remain in a constant state of mourning Your health is compromised You have difficulty also forgiving yourself You remain in a constant state of tension Your unresolved anger turn into bitterness & hostility 14 6. Letting Go and Forgiveness (cont.) : 6. Letting Go and Forgiveness (cont.) Benefits of letting go Your energy is freed up for constructive use Your life is now focused on present rather than the past You no longer feel so vulnerable Your outlook becomes much more optimistic When you forgive, others tend to forgive you It becomes easier to forgive yourself – for being human Your health improves You experience an inner peace that you haven’t felt before You have a newfound sense of maturity You move beyond the pain of past transgressions 15 6. Letting Go and Forgiveness (cont.) : 6. Letting Go and Forgiveness (cont.) How to forgive Identify the source of your anger Acknowledge your angry feelings Legitimize your anger Give yourself permission to express anger List 3 ways in which your life is better off by letting go of anger Express anger without hurting yourself or others Acknowledge your fear Acknowledge that being nice doesn’t mean powerless Trying the 10-minute rant Living without resolution Time’s up: let it go! 16 7. 12 Steps to Use Anger Constructively : 7. 12 Steps to Use Anger Constructively Step 1: Decide how you want to feel after anger Step 2: Acknowledge your anger Step 3: Focus your anger on problem, not person Step 4: Identify the source of problem Step 5: Accept that the problem can be solved Step 6: Walk in the other party’s shoes 17 7. 12 Steps to Use Anger Constructively : 7. 12 Steps to Use Anger Constructively Step 7: Co-op with the other party Step 8: Keep a civil tone throughout Step 9: Avoid disrespectful behavior Step 10: Leave some space and time Step 11: Make it two-way communication Step 12: Acknowledge that you’ve made progress You will not be punished for your anger, but by your anger. “Treat others the ways you want to be treated.” 18 8. 10 Anger-Free Thoughts : 8. 10 Anger-Free Thoughts No one can make you angry without your consent Anger is boomerang – so does love It’s only money Other people are not the enemy Life isn’t fair – not even at the top Energy is a terrible thing to waste Don’t kid yourself: we’re all bozos This isn’t the hill you want to die on There is nothing you can achieve in anger that you can’t achieve without it When you’re dealing with people, you’re not entitled to a damn thing 19 9. Gaining Supports for your Anger : 9. Gaining Supports for your Anger Emotional support Informational support Tangible support Appraisal support To get those supports, keep in mind: Most people want to be supportive, give them chance Be willing to give support to your friends and family No one person can satisfy all your needed supports 20 STRESS MANAGEMENT : STRESS MANAGEMENT 21 1. Stress – The Definition : 1. Stress – The Definition Stress - a condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that demands exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize. Two primary stressors: Minor stressors Daily hassles, hurrying to meet deadline, being interrupted while talking, being disturbed while taking nap, driving in heavy traffic, misplacing an important thing – etc Major stressors Critical life events, being fired from your job, having chronic life-threatening disease, the death of loved one, separating from your spouse, bankruptcy, natural disaster, crimes – etc. 22 2. Types of Stress : 2. Types of Stress Cumulative stress Stress that accumulates over time. It’s one thing adding to another and another, until you can’t take it anymore. Chronic stress Stress that just won’t go away. It stays with you all time. 23 2. Types of Stress : 2. Types of Stress Catastrophic stress The horrific stress resulted from life threatening event. Control stress Stress resulted when a person feel over- whelmed of his/her life. 24 3. Sources of Stress : 3. Sources of Stress Pressure The result from the threat of negative events. Frustration The result of being unable to satisfy a motive. Conflict The state in which two or more motives cannot be satisfied because they interfere with one another. 25 3. Sources of Stress (cont.) : 3. Sources of Stress (cont.) Life events Psychologically significant events that occur in a person’s life such as divorce, terrorism, tragedy – etc. Environment condition The aspects of the environment in which we live such as temperature, air pollution, noise, humidity – etc. 26 4. Factors Influencing Reaction to Stress : 4. Factors Influencing Reaction to Stress In term of stress, better ask what type of person has a disease rather than what type of disease a person has. Prior experience with stress Developmental factors Predictability and control Social supports Cognition Personality Gender Ethnicity 27 5. Coping with Stress – Effective Coping : 5. Coping with Stress – Effective Coping Removing stress Identify and eliminate sources of stress from our lives. Cognitive coping Change how we think about and/or interpret the stressful events. Managing stress reactions When the source of stress cannot be removed or changed, manage your psychological and physiological reactions to the stress. 28 5.1. Adopting Hardy Personalities : 5.1. Adopting Hardy Personalities Be the master of your own destiny Believe in your own ability to deal with adversity. Be a player, not a spectator Wholeheartedly involve in everyday activities and social relationship, rather being alienated. Transform catastrophes into challenges View life’s stressors as opportunities for personal growth rather than a burden to be endured. 29 5.2. Staying in Good Mood : 5.2. Staying in Good Mood Laughter – the best medicine Laughter reduce pain sensitivity for both physical and emotional pain. So make yourself and people around you laugh as much as you can. Hanging around with optimists Stress is contagious. Envision a hopeful future with your optimist peers. 30 5.2. Staying in Good Mood (cont.) : 5.2. Staying in Good Mood (cont.) Finding the good in the bad Try to identify at least one benefit from a bad situation. Calculating your positivity ratio Create your daily emotion log. Count positive & negative emotions you experienced. Divide positive emotions by negative ones. If the ratio is less than 2.9, you’re in trouble. If it’s 2.9 or higher, you’re more than okay. Stress is not what happens to us. It's our response TO what happens. And RESPONSE is something we can choose. 31 5.3. Becoming a Type B Personality : 5.3. Becoming a Type B Personality Type A personality The behavior pattern that is associated with multiphasic activity, in which the person engages in several activities at once as part of a continual effort to do more and more in less and less time. Type A characteristics Are always moving, walking, and eating rapidly Strive to think or do two or more things at once Cannot cope with leisure time Are obsessed with numbers, measuring their success in term of how much or how many of everything they acquire… 32 5.3. Becoming a Type B Personality (cont.) : 5.3. Becoming a Type B Personality (cont.) Type B personality Behavior pattern characterized by patience, an even temper, and willingness to do a limited number of things in a reasonable amount of time. Moving from A to B: Focus on who you are rather than what you do Look at your own competitive streak Converse without numbers Take off your watch Resist what society tells you to do Seek diversity in relationships Cultivate the arts Let curiosity rein 33 5.4. Changing Health-Related Habits : 5.4. Changing Health-Related Habits Learning to relax Practice relaxation methods: progressive relaxation, relaxation response, yoga, meditation – etc. Improving eating habits Maintain healthy diet to avoid high cholesterol, high blood pressure, heart attack, stroke – etc. Doing regular aerobic exercise Reduce the rate of high cholesterol, high blood pressure, heart attack, stroke – etc. Adopting medical compliance Reduce the likelihood of high cholesterol, high blood pressure, heart attack, stroke – etc. 34 More Health Tips : More Health Tips Moderate or no use of alcohol Sleeping seven to eight hours nightly Never or rarely eating between meals Being at or near your ideal weight for your height Regular physical exercise Never smoking cigarettes Eating breakfast almost everyday 35 6. Coping with Stress – Ineffective Coping : 6. Coping with Stress – Ineffective Coping Aggression A common reaction to frustration. Withdrawal Dealing with stress by avoiding it (escapism). 36 6. Coping with Stress – Ineffective Coping : 6. Coping with Stress – Ineffective Coping Self-medication Using of alcohol & other drugs to soothe their emo-tional reaction to stress. Defense mechanisms The unrealistic strategies used by the ego to discharge tension. 37 More about “Defense Mechanisms” : More about “Defense Mechanisms” Defense mechanisms can be effective in the short-run in helping us feel better, but they interfere long-term solutions to stress if they distort reality to a great extent. Displacement: angry the bull, hit the cart. Sublimation: convert impulse into socially approved activities: schoolwork, sports – etc. Projection: one’s own dangerous or unacceptable desires or emotions are seen not as one’s own but as the desires or feelings of others. Reaction formation: conflicts over dangerous motives or feelings are avoided by unconsciously transforming them into opposite desire. 38 More about “Defense Mechanisms” (cont.) : More about “Defense Mechanisms” (cont.) Regression: stress is reduced by returning to an earlier pattern of behavior. Rationalization: stress is reduced by explaining it away in ways that sound logical about the breakup. Repression: when potentially stressful, unacceptable desire are kept out of consciousness without the person being consciously aware. Denial: conscious denial of upsetting feelings & ideas. Intellectualization : the emotional nature of stressful events is lessened at times by reducing it to cold, intellectual logic. 39 List of References : List of References W. Doyle Gentry, PhD, Anger Management for Dummies, Wiley Publishing Inc. 2007, ISBN: 0-470-03715-6 Benjamin B. Lahey, Psychology : An Introduction – Eighth Edition, McGraw-Hill, 2004, ISBN: 0-07-256314-1 Lester M. Sdorow & Cheryl A. Rickabaugh, Psychology, Quebecor World Versailles Inc. 2002, ISBN: 0-07-235832-7 40

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