Published on March 8, 2014
2 A decade on from Abundance of Light By Alyssa Mary Rose
3 Introduction I have just made my Abundance of Light book more freely available, so this made me think maybe I need to write something about the years after my discovery of the technique and its subsequent use. For quite a few years after going public, online, with my technique, I was doing healing for many hours a day, all for free, with the only motivation being to heal myself and others. I have slowed down a bit since then. Obviously that pace could not be sustained, and in addition I also remarried and added a child to the family. My circumstances in that decade changed from being a single mum with three small girls, to being married with three small girls and a teenage stepdaughter, back to being a single mother of three older girls and one baby girl. All these changes were accompanied and aided in their transitions by my Angelic and Spirit helper team. In ten short years I have come from a position of being in dire extremis to a position of being very comfortable and happy, with happy, loving, confident daughters to accompany me on my journey through life. That in itself is a testament to the veracity and power within the Abundance of Light technique. At the back of this eBook I have put the short version of my life story that has been up on my website for quite a few years. I say short version as I am working on the rather longer version this year, particularly with my children in mind, however I can see me sharing it with the world when the time is right. I would like to say a huge thank you to my friend and editor Carol Lyons, she will have made your task of reading this little book much more enjoyable. Thanks Carol!
4 Chapter one I have often being asked why I do healing for free and why I am so adamant about not charging for healing. This comes firstly from family tradition, my father being a vicar in England who would always pray for people and do what he could to heal them without charge; however, anyone who knows me, knows that I do not hold with family traditions for traditions sake. The biggest reason I do not charge for healing is absolutely the most selfish one: I take my payment in the form of being healed myself. I have a “deal” with God for all the healing I offer sentient Beings, I get that same healing myself first. I have truly found that this is a necessary part of the technique as when you have healed all the obvious cords, then you are left with the dramas of life or your reactions to others dramas, to bring up cords within you that need healing. Maybe instead of obvious, I should say gross, all the cords that are covered by the macros in the first book. We all have these same cords because we have all been through similar situations and had similar reactions, leaving the more subtle cords which are very specific to the individual. For instance we have probably all been stabbed in the back by somebody either literally or metaphorically but the reasons we could have been stabbed in the back and by whom, would be totally different for each person. This means when the macros are used to heal, all the run of the mill reactions to being stabbed in the back and all the usual outcomes would be cut, but you might have to dig deeper to find the subtle cords later on. We all have so many layers of these cords that if I was only to cut the macros for myself a few times the backlog of thousands of years of cords would not be cleared up, yet the healing I do for others offers so much additional healing for me because I am helping others cut for such a variety of conditions that it heals wounds in me that I would otherwise be totally unaware of. Basically my Angels and guides send to me the people who hold within them, the cords that I too need healing for. (This meant after the initial three years or so of public healing, I began to do fewer healings because I had by then cleared up a lot of emotional baggage by doing healing with so many others.) The people who come to me are truly guided to do so. I realize there are many who are leery of anything that is offered freely, they think there is a catch, and in this world they are often correct, but my healing doesn’t come with a catch. My motives are pure. If someone is not happy with the
5 results, they can blame themselves, or me if they wish, but there is no feeling of not getting one’s money’s worth. If they are happy with their healing, yes, I do accept donations, but that is never part of the agreement. That, too, would be freely given by them and not asked for. There is also an added benefit in having fewer healings because I have more time to spend on my main job which is being a parent to my children! I do also do a lot of healing which I send out into the world for whoever needs it. The recipients of this healing can be any sentient Beings. For example, I have done healing on many haunted places in the world, places where huge battles or slaughters may have taken place. Do not worry about the ghost hunters being put out of business. There are spirits who have deliberately taken on the job of communicating with humans in the form of ghosts and these are never translocated with healing, however suffering fragments of souls that have lived before who are trapped in their own loops of suffering are released to continue on their journey towards complete communication with the Divine. World news also gives me much in the way of inspiration for places where healing needs to be sent next, with a bias for natural disasters, and lost children. “There should be no bias”, I can hear some of you saying. Unfortunately I do not have unlimited time and energy and so there naturally tends to be some bias towards those things that deeply interested or touched me the most either from this lifetime or others. This kind of distant healing without the consent of those who are the focus of the healing is very safe in cases like this. What we are really talking about here is prayer. Prayer is always ultimately safe because the Divine is in charge of heeding your prayers. The Divine is in communication with the higher selves of those involved and can bring about the highest and best outcomes. A word about large scale disasters: I believe that the fear mass media generates especially in the case of potential natural disasters, is a force that can actually contribute to bringing about the feared event. Fear is just negative manifestation and as humans we are very good at this, but when you pray for any positive outcome for a future event, you are asking the Divine to take away the weight of the negative manifestation, this is when miracles occur! Often the miracles go totally unrecognized by many because they will say, “the weather forecasters got it wrong” or it was because “the storm missed areas of major population”. The fact that
6 the storm missed areas of great population density may have been a divinely guided event! How can you know for sure? The subtle nature of prayer and healing always leaves room for those who doubt, but then again doubt itself is just another cord that needs to be cut. Doubt and uncertainty in life are absolutely necessary. How boring would life be, if it was like taking part in a movie you had watched a million times before, with the outcomes always being the same? Life is fluid, always fluid. In fact, life is so fluid that cord cutting actually has the power to change the past. When you heal for past events, what the Divine does, is to relieve the people involved from a certain amount of the fear and heavy feelings that accompanied the event. This means it actually changes the experience of the past and so these people can move forward in life without the heaviness they would have otherwise carried. How does this translate into actually changing the past? Well, for example, it might mean that those horrible, inexplicable feelings you always had about your uncle just disappear. Why? Because he has been healed of the feelings he had from an event in the past where he held thoughts of revenge towards you! Where most of the movement of this type of healing is felt is within the arena or peoples’ feelings, emotions, but also their store of potential and actual sicknesses and injuries, many of which do not seem to heal. Once again, this is an area where it is very hard to prove healing had anything to do with the changes. One might pass it off as the work of the psychologist or the latest drug; however, that psychologist may have been divinely guided to give you the healing you were needful of because of the work done behind the scenes with prayer and cord cutting. This “leaving room” for doubt and uncertainty is probably the reason my Angelic team do not let me get psychic readings about the future. Of course, like anyone else I could rock up to a psychic and pay my eighty dollars and get my reading; however as soon as the reader opens his or her mouth, I know that this reader is being fed a story. Then I just have to sit there knowing I am making a donation for nothing! Remember, the future is always fluid. Although I do have a funny little story to tell you about a visit with a clairvoyant medium. “Tara” came round to my house and instantly I felt comfortable with her and that she was a lovely, very intuitive person. I
7 showed her a picture of my Gran and said “I would very much like it if my Gran came through today”. The reading started and Tara came back with some very accurate information about one of my partners who had passed on. There were another couple of people who came through all with accurate communications, which set me up for the next event: Tara told me she had my Gran…or was it my Nan…? Now this should have alerted me to what was about to transpire, but because I wanted my Gran to come through so much it didn’t register. My “Gran” started off with how she thought my house was a mess and that to get anywhere in life I needed to be organised. I thought that was weird Gran was always so comfortable in a little clutter and she always thought I was very organised. Then she communicated that she thought my choice in men was appalling and that maybe I needed to lift my game in order to get myself a decent man. There would be a man who would allow me to have my own little reading room full of crystals set up in the house. That did it for me, I saw red at this bit. For one thing I did not want another man in my life, and two, definitely not one who “allows” me to have my own little reading room! I was just thinking by this point, Tara knows nothing, and now I don’t know who she is speaking to because that is definitely not my Gran! I saw Tara out politely without saying anything until I got back inside where I fair blew my top. Fortunately the girls were already in bed so I didn’t vent to them. The next day my eldest girl who was about 12 at the time started crying and ran from her room. I asked her what the matter was, and she told me that she had quite clearly heard two old ladies arguing in her room. The two old ladies were saying to each other, “should we tell her?” My eldest butted in and told them yes they definitely should tell her! The long and the short of the conversation was that these two old ladies were my Gran and my Nan (who had died only 18 months or so previously and whom I had forgotten had passed on) and they were laughing about the mistaken identity. Their message was this was a lesson for me and for my daughter. It was done to increase her confidence in her psychic abilities and that as long as I held onto my dreams and kept love in my heart, everything would work out fine. Needless to say I no longer bother going to see psychics and mediums, knowing full well my Angelic team and Spirit helpers can pass
8 on any message they like directly to me or to my daughter if I am not listening. The best indication of the form your future is going to take, is how your present is panning out. If you do not like the present, then you have some healing work to do so you do not manifest those fears and negativities you have running through your head all the time. How, you might ask, do you know what to heal? Working out what needs to be healed takes increasing amounts of awareness about what the mind is doing. Having done many years of Buddhist meditation, I grasped this part more easily than many people who might not have participated in meditation before. Unlike the Buddhist meditation I used to do, however, I do not practice equanimity towards whatever comes into my awareness in order to do the healing. Instead I look at the emotions and physical sensations that the thoughts create in that moment, then I cut the cords with anything I feel to be relevant at that time to bring the thoughts and sensations either back to a neutral or peaceful state. It is important to notice after every interaction how you feel and then bring yourself back to a neutral space with cord cutting. For instance one time I went to my doctor and afterwards while driving home, I noticed myself obsessing about our conversation the whole way. I cut cords before I got out of the car, with my doctor and with anything mentioned in the conversation and that was the end of that train of thoughts. It might not even be that you are that attached to that conversation, maybe the doctor is thinking about you and her experience, whichever way it works, it is best if the cord is cut, then only the love remains. You might have noticed by now, I am not really putting forward the case for my Angels’ existence or non-existence. For me proving this is not important because in my reality, they absolutely exist, as much or maybe even more than this world and all its contents exist. There are no doubts in my faith anymore; however, I do know that if a terrible accident befell one of my children and she died, I would no longer have the will to act upon that faith. I would feel totally let down by my Angelic team and that would effectively cripple me for the rest of this lifetime. As uncertain life is, I do feel the reassurance from my Angelic team that this will never happen to me; however, the compassion I feel for parents who have lost children is very deep, and my eyes are welling with tears just thinking about it.
9 The quality of the communication between me and my Angelic team has changed quite dramatically over the years. As my psychic gifts have been reclaimed so have the ways I use them to communicate with Spirit. In the beginning I came up with the method of chanting because it seemed to work for everyone even those (including myself back then) who could not see anything with their third eyes. The ways I feel energy with my hands has also evolved. Back in those early days, when I passed my hands over somebody’s body I would actually feel the weapons that had inflicted wounds upon their psychic bodies across lifetimes. I got tired of this pretty quickly, and asked to be able to only feel a heaviness instead of this graphic gore. This heaviness has evolved into many different nuances of feeling within my hands. Also the nuances within my voice as I chant tell me many things. I developed these senses so finely because my third eye did not seem to be working. I would also use the pendulum to ask my Angelic team yes or no questions. I still do this because I find that when the pendulum is used to do healing, it is so accurate. However I did lose my pendulum for a period of time and found that I could now very easily hear the answers to my questions, in my head and was given additional information that is not possible to receive when just using a pendulum. I think the delay in finding my pendulum was angel orchestrated, because back in 2005, I lost a pendulum, also worn as a necklace, and they gave me a vision of it at the service desk at the local shopping Centre as I laid down for bed that night. Another way I have learned some major lessons was by observing patterns in my life. When the same things kept happening over and over again, I had to think there must be something I was doing that perpetuated the situation; and even when I thought I had left it behind, it followed me and came up in the next relationship. Relationships seem to be the way I learn my major lessons, in my interactions with other people.
10 Chapter two I have learned so much from relationships this life. Much of the time I learned what I didn’t want in a relationship. Interestingly enough when I was young, one of the big questions kicking around in my head was, why do women stay with men who abuse them? I guess this was one of the themes I came here to explore. One theme I have never had to worry about was a partner being unfaithful. That, thankfully turned out to be true intuition because with the five serious relationships I had, none of the men were ever unfaithful to me. Apparently, from what I hear from others, though, it is a pretty common worry for many. My first serious boyfriend whom I lived with for two years, was so jealous, so worried that I would run off with someone else, that if I so much as smiled at another man in the street, he would not talk to me for two days. I suppose this was the start of the abuse. Psychological abuse is so destructive but also so undetectable, that even as an abused person, for a long time I could not put my finger on how I was being abused. It is that subtle. When I finally left this boy, he brought out the emotional blackmail card and threatened to kill himself by overdosing with heroin. I was wise enough by then to see that this was just more abuse. I told him he must do what he wanted, and that I was not responsible for his actions. I know for a fact he was around for many years after I left him. I was very loyal when I was in a relationship, but there came a time when something inside snapped, and I knew there was no mending it. As a result I have never returned to ex-partners although I am good friends with all three of my ex-husbands. I figure if I loved them enough to marry them, then there must be enough left for friendship surely. Well this trip down memory lane will point out to you the reader, that I certainly had a lot to heal. I found out why women, well why this woman, would stay with a man who abused her. For me it was all about rescuing the man from himself, teaching him how to love himself, so he could than love me; and in the meantime, I would pour my love in to make up for the love he couldn’t find. This of course does not work. Why did I have this pattern in my life? The only partner who didn’t fit this pattern was my first husband who I meditated with for five years on the road around Australia. I believe he
11 was the exception. I feel I made a pact with him in a different life for us to help each other along the road of meditation. He had a huge impact on my life and for all the help I received on the spiritual front, I am very grateful. When my third marriage was on the rocks I realised I had some serious unfinished business. We met through my healing group and he was very taken with the technique and my communication with Angels; however, when his depression started to kick in, and he expressed his lack of belief, I knew we were on rocky ground. It was then that I started trying to find common threads in four out of my five relationships. Eventually I realised I was actually repeating the broken relationship with my mother by reliving it through these partners. I left England at the age of 21 and the state of the relationship with my mother had a lot to do with the decision. I was the eldest child, and as such I was my mother and sisters’ caregiver. My mother suffered from severe depression (as would four of my future partners). I would do things for her to try and show how much I loved her, things that would make her happy and feel loved. I did the housework, took over the care of the little ones. I did so many special things that she didn’t even notice. I thought that if I showed her I cared enough she would realise she was lovable and start to love herself and also start to love me. I carried this unconscious attitude with me into my adult life. I tried the same method with my partners. I did everything for them and poured my love in hoping that it would be enough to fix their broken spirits. With my last husband I thought I could just heal all his depression away. Nothing can be healed, but by the desire and effort of the one who is suffering. This does not mean that you cannot get help with your healing, but if it is yours to heal, you have to seek the help and participate in your own healing. In actual fact there is nothing wrong with any of us. Almost all of us have this broken image of ourselves that is in need of healing. Well that image actually needs dissolving, which is exactly what cord cutting does. Cord cutting destroys the illusion and leaves what the divine intended: a perfect loving human being. When I came to this light bulb moment, I wrote an email to my mother in England. I told her how, up until now, I had protected her from the truth of how I really felt in order to save her feelings, and that I felt I had mothered her since I was a child. I told her I was no longer going to
12 mother her and that I had a few things about my childhood I now wanted to share. I was not nasty or vindictive. I just wrote how I had felt about my childhood from my point of view. My mum agreed with me, that my childhood lacked the guidance and support that I needed. She also said she had done her best and really did love me. I know my parents really love me, that is not the issue but the wounds which I had carried around with me until that moment, were. It is amazing the massive effect this light bulb moment had on me. At this point my third husband had already told me that the marriage was not working and that he wanted me to leave. I told him to give it another chance. I promised that I would not nag him so much about his health. I had this irrational fear of him not putting a warm coat on, not taking a healthy lunch to work, of him not doing some exercise… Does anyone see a pattern here? I was mothering him to death! When the spell broke, I suddenly didn’t really care if he didn’t eat well or if he slept well or not. The hugest shift I noticed was that when he said that it was time to end the marriage, I had come to the point where I saw that the separation was necessary. Separations of any kind are never easy and the first three weeks before I found myself another house to rent was a living hell, even with my wonderful cord cutting technique and my team of Angels to support me. Time, however, and a different perspective on the situation worked wonders and very soon I realised I had been released to do what I do best: BEING ME.
13 Chapter three Another big theme in my life has been about giving things up, or better put as learning detachment. Even as a child coming from a Christian household, I had a very good grounding in Eastern mysticism and realised what enlightenment meant and what it was to aspire to being enlightened: not having to come back to a physical existence once this incarnation is over. This does not mean I came to this life with any less desires than any other being. As a teenager I drank, smoked, dabbled with drugs, took huge risks and had a fair amount of sexual experiences. My drug taking, however, was not in an effort to escape the experiences in the here and now, it was more about finding out how far you could push the boundaries of my awareness by using chemicals. Mind-expanding drugs are what Aldous Huxley would have called them. I was very much an out-of-place hippie and into the psychedelic free love era that had, by that time already passed. I fairly quickly came around to the conclusion that drugs were not a quick fix or a magic ticket to enlightenment. One still had to actually do all the hard work that sages spent lifetimes doing. My experimentation then became focused on spiritual change. Fortunately my first husband led me to a very strict discipline very early on: Vipassana meditation. This type of meditation is not for the faint hearted. It requires a very strict lifestyle including at least two hours a day for meditation, no drugs, no illicit sex, you get the picture, this meditation was no picnic. Interestingly, during my five years of practising Vipassana I did not manage to give up cigarettes (I tried many times), it took having children to do that. Having children also put my diet on the straight and narrow. Having twins resulted in a herniated stomach, and I found I was very prone to getting ulcers. From that point on I had to strictly watch my diet, and this also ruled out alcohol. One huge desire that keeps bringing souls back to this plane is sexual appetite. Luckily the angels had a very safe plan in mind for me to deal with this addiction. After my awakening in 2003, I was quite obsessed with the idea of finding a perfect partner and this perfect partner of course, was also going to be an exceptional lover. At that time, I had started doing healing online for anybody on MSN. One man, Greg kept seeking me out. He told me he lived in Canada. Well, I
14 would always make more time for Greg than anyone else. He sucked me in with lines like, “now I am stroking your beautiful long hair”. (You need to bear in mind my last lover was my ex-husband who I had left about two years ago). Greg and I worked through many things, cutting cords with issues that would have been unimaginable to work out with a flesh and blood partner. I even worked through my jealousy cords with Greg: he started telling me things about a woman he had gone to the woods with, and the result was that we basically agreed that what happened in the woods, stayed in the woods! As far as I was concerned, I needed to feel I was his only princess and since this was an online relationship I didn’t have any physical worries with this arrangement. This arrangement was actually a very convenient one since it did not expose my young children to any threat of any kind of harm. It finished after Greg promised to come and see me and then got waylaid in Holland by a crystal skull convention. This was the last straw for me. I had finished with healing in this way; however, the relationship had lasted for about two years which is a pretty long time for an internet and phone relationship. By this time I had dealt with a lot of my more base sexual desires though I still desired a flesh and blood partner, somebody to spend the rest of my life with. I had many an argument with my Spirit guides about how unfair life was, and how I would put up with being single but in no way was I happy about it. I find most things that you really hanker after, you will get in one form or another until you come to the realisation that you do not really need them or want them. Another desire that I was working through at the same time as my relationship with Greg was the desire for power and spiritual fame and kudos. I offered free healing to everyone and was on the phone constantly, (this is probably what kept me sane, feeling as if I had a purpose in life other than changing dirty nappies and constantly worrying about my children’s ill health). I had somebody who I teamed up with in New Zealand at the time, a lady also involved with Angelic healing. We would phone each other probably two times a week, even though it cost me an absolute fortune. We would cut cords with world events as well as personal events in our lives, always with the hope that we cut ourselves out of the atrocious personal conditions we both found ourselves in.
15 When we did these healing sessions, the amount of power that poured through us was amazing, but just like the high from a drug, it is fine while the drug is operational in your body, but when its obvious effects are over, you drop as far down as the high you just had. The low that I felt after these power influxes was incredibly low. It took time to work out why this was happening to me. I would do healing for some people on the phone, and they would ring up the next day and say “I was vomiting all night and it is your fault”. This devastated me every time. Then at other times people would ring and say, “Your healing has changed my life and I feel so much better”. Then I would be back on my high horse riding it to the horizon. The idea of my mission in life was all tied in with this feeling. I felt that because I had been given this wonderful gift that I had to share it with everyone, had to “save” all those I met. I dreamt of hitting the winning lotto ticket and becoming the guru in a huge healing centre. Thank goodness, cutting cords just dissolves all those misguided desires, and luckily, cord cutting works very fast. I didn’t have to act out any of these dreams in the physical or I could have wasted a whole lifetime stuck in that particular dream. I finally realised that after each healing session I needed to cut with the power that was generated. That way, even though I was not accepting the praise and the power generated by such a healing, I was also not accepting the abuse for what somebody might think I had done or not done to them! When all is said and done, I am just the channel. God is the power that flows through me. God is the One who heals, and the person receiving the healing is the one who accepts that healing love… or does not, it has nothing to do with me. My only responsibility as a healer is to work on myself and keep myself as clear a channel for that love as I possibly can. As to the grandiose dreams of becoming a big healer in a big healing centre, I had enough of a taste of what that dream was bringing with it, to realise that my only mission in life is to heal myself. If you can heal yourself then all else follows. If all you give out in life is love, then that is what you will receive. Basically that is all any of us wants: to be perfectly loved, perfectly loving, and full of happiness in each moment. No I am wrong, that is not what we all want, but it is what I want, and yes I do perceive that this alone is a desire in itself, but we have to have goals or we would never bother making any changes in ourselves.
16 Back to the desire to have a relationship, I met my third husband through my healing group, which he found out about in one of the online forums I frequented at the time. Our relationship started with so much hope and love, but a marriage soon brings the cracks and the things you have both been hiding in the subconscious, out into the open. The last chapter dealt with how I broke this particular spell. How in reality my deepest desire was to heal the broken relationship with my mother. After my separation I moved back to the area where all my “angel ladies” as we have affectionately called our healing group (named by my children) lived. I came to realise that being on my own with my beautiful children is really exactly how I liked things. I no longer have any desire to be with another partner in life, even the sexual desire in me is no longer there, however that did not happen totally naturally, I have had to direct a lot of healing towards this area of my life and desires. This would not be a goal for most people and I definitely understand that, but my life is not the life of most people, my life and my goals are unique to me alone. As are yours. Another desire I had to contend with was the deep down desire for a close sister figure in my life, one who I could share all the ups and downs of life with. I had this quite a few times in my life but this type of relationship would always blow up in my face when our goals and desires no longer were in vibrational synchronicity. For example a girlfriend I was very fond of in New Zealand decided that “enough was enough” when she returned to a nine to five job and there was no longer any need to be cutting cords 24/7 with a woman in Australia whom she had never met. This desire for a close sister/friend came up very strongly when, after leaving my marriage, I was on my own again with three girls. To fill in my time and make ends meet, I started doing foster care. This is how my beautiful fourth daughter arrived in my life. Through foster care I met quite a few lovely women, but one was to become a very close friend for about three years. This friendship, too, has finished due to many reasons but as it did finish, I realised it had ended the desire in me for a girlfriend to bounce every idea off and somebody to debrief with and keep particularly close. I am now quite happy to have friends around me and have my children as my nearest and dearest. Another huge desire I had was to have another child, another girl child (as I know nothing about male children). I had not consciously realised this desire when I started foster care, all I knew was that I really wanted
17 to look after babies. While I am ok at taking care of young boys, I do not have the energy or inclination to take care of growing boys. Doing foster care gave me ample opportunity to take care of many babies. I felt so privileged to be entrusted with the care of these gorgeous new born babies who needed so much of my love and attention. As my foster daughter grew up, I began to feel like it was more of a chore than a privilege, a chore that stopped me from doing anything independently and of having a life of my own. In other words the inclusion of my fourth child cured me of the need for any more children. I have now ceased doing active foster care work. I also had a lot of work to do with my willingness to allow God to do what God thought best, especially in the case of my foster child. Two times there was a serious threat to my chances of being her permanent mother. Two times I had to go through the process of mourning her loss and just giving over my will to God’s will. Here are a couple of entries I put in my online journal. This was my comment on all the emotional work I was doing at the time. “You like to think angels are going to make it fluffy and good for you, but hey that’s not what they are here to do, they are here to support us when the going gets tough, which it always does, until the day we die.” My friend said of the way I was working through this challenge. “You are healing from this remarkably fast which goes to show just how much this really works. It's a tough row to hoe, but we signed on for the crash course this year.” I found this story online which expresses so well the type of mind frame I had to adopt to get through this particular challenge. (http://www.myrkothum.com/the-10-very-best-zen-stories/ ) 5. Is That So? The Zen master Hakuin was praised by his neighbours as one living a pure life. A beautiful Japanese girl whose parents owned a food store lived near him. Suddenly, without any warning, her parents discovered she was with child. This made her parents very angry. She would not confess who the man was, but after much harassment at last named Hakuin. In great anger the parents went to the master. "Is that so?" was all he would say.
18 When the child was born, the parents brought it to the Hakuin, who now was viewed as a pariah by the whole village. They demanded that he take care of the child since it was his responsibility. “Is that so?” Hakuin said calmly as he accepted the child. A year later the girl-mother could stand it no longer. She told her parents the truth – that the real father of the child was a young man who worked in the fish market. The mother and father of the girl at once went to Hakuin to ask his forgiveness, to apologize at length, and to get the child back again. Hakuin was willing. In yielding the child, all he said was: "Is that so?" This attitude of Hakuin’s is not showing disinterest, indeed his care of the child, the mother of the child, and her reputation was full of compassion, instead it shows that his reputation does not matter to him. He does whatever is set out before him to do and he does it to the best of his ability without blame or regret. For me it was only when I came to an acceptance of “whatever is the best for my child, let it be done”, that the answer came back “she is to stay with you”. I have expressed to one friend that in the end I will be faced with cutting cords with my children so they mean no more or no less than any other being; however, I am a long way off from cutting this huge cord which is the cord that has kept me on this planet so long in this lifetime.
19 Chapter five Counselling many people in the course of being a healer, has taught me many things about how the mind works and the stories that we tell ourselves and how that hinders our own ability to heal ourselves. In actual fact nobody needs a healer, we all heal ourselves but sometimes a healer is a useful person who can jog that memory inside us that says “Yes, we can work with the Divine and actually heal ourselves”. I see a healer as a catalyst for peoples' own healing powers. It works in much the same way as a personal trainer who helps somebody use their own powers to get fit. The person being trained actually has to do all the work, the trainer is just there to motivate and suggest easier ways of doing things. It is the same with a healer. Many people have a story their minds tell them: that they can’t do anything about the suffering in their lives because it is all the fault of the behaviour of those they live with. This could be a lazy, drinking spouse; fighting, rude children; a woeful mother in law, or an abusive boss. When you make a decision in life to start healing yourself, you drag back the responsibility to where it truly lies: with yourself. This is why, with this particular technique, we cut cords with everything, even with being a dictator or a serial killer in past lives. The theory behind it is this: if there is not anything to cut then you have wasted nothing, just the time that particular little prayer took you to complete; however, if there is something to cut with about being a dictator, now it is taken care of long before you may have otherwise stumbled across it. This does not necessarily mean you were a dictator, it can mean that a dictator somehow affected your life, maybe killed a relative or caused you to live in fear and poverty. In that case what you are cutting for is the anger and hatred you formed towards that dictator. Alternatively you could have been a dictator and seeing as you now have the courage to contemplate that you could have done these heinous things, you heal them just by cutting those cords. What a wonderful thing! Just by saying “Yes, I accept responsibility for all I have done in my lives”, that it can be healed as simply as this. Let us take the scenario where somebody is complaining that they cannot enjoy a happy life because their husband is lazy and they always have to nag them to help, or do it themselves. When I was married I used to feel
20 that way much of the time too, yet when I was single again, I just did the chores and didn’t feel resentful about it. In fact, I am probably doing about the same amount, but I am not saying in my mind that I should not be doing these chores and that my husband should. A saint would not be moaning on about somebody in their household not doing enough work because the actions of that person would not have any effect on the mind of a saint. When you blame your rotten feelings on another being you are actually casting yourself as the victim and them as the abuser, then you have no power because you are a victim. When you take back the power and say “I am responsible for the way I feel about my actions and anybody else’s actions”, you do in fact transfer the power back to yourself. What you should be doing to sort this problem out is cutting the cords between you and your feeling that you are being hard done by, that your husband is getting away with being lazy, that life is unfair and that you are being abused. Once there is no longer this resentful barrier between you and your husband, he will be much more open to giving you a little help and you are more likely to be grateful rather than feeling like, “Well he should always have been more helpful”. When the feelings of gratefulness wash over your husband he is much more likely to repeat the act of help because of the emotional payback he received for the action. Perhaps your husband really is lazy and has no intention of doing any work around the house. Well, you can keep your peaceful mind even though he apparently is doing the wrong thing. All you have to do is a little more work and what is that compared to a mind full of anger and hatred because somebody else did not do that work? Life is full of work, so find a way to do it joyfully. Once you have healed that cord, or set of cords, then things will resolve one way or the other. Just remember to allow God to bring about the resolution. Guilt is a nasty mind loop that literally cripples us. Back in 2003 when I was given this technique, I often used to be paralysed with guilt. I would have a conversation with somebody and they would turn on me. Then I would go away, think about the conversation, and realise what they must have thought I had said to cause them to turn on me. I would feel so guilty. How stupid to be feeling guilty over something I did not even intend. Even if I did intend to hurt the other person, what a waste of energy it is to feel remorseful and guilty. My personal way round this dilemma was to make a bargain with God. I said to God, “my life is yours
21 and I promise not to knowingly hurt another being, therefore if somebody does get hurt as a result of an action or word by me, please take this event and turn it around and use it to heal those injured and to heal me.” Since that day, and cord cutting after any uncomfortable event or conversation, I have not felt that crippling guilt. One area of my life which I have never quite got a handle on is the manifestation of wealth. This is a little bit of a reading that a lovely woman called Chris did for me a few years ago, it describes to a “T” my wealth manifestation: “Your base, or root chakra (red in colour) governs security, finances, and survival. It was so healthy and sparkling, but it was doing something curious. It was rotating and hovering a lot lower than where I usually see it, but there was this burst of light and sparkles underneath it which was helping it keep from hitting rock bottom. This tells me that no matter how desperate things may appear to be in this area of your life, you are always Divinely provided for and that there is so much hope for even brighter days to come.” When you read my life story, you will realise that I have come a long way since then. Really my life has never been better than now. I am an incredibly good money manager. The DHS worker involved in my foster child’s case, says I am an absolute miracle worker as far as money is concerned. I am able to cope a lot better when it is my money alone I am managing and I make all the decisions. Marriage has never been a very good financial situation for me. When we come to the chapter on how Angels communicate with me, you will see the many examples of how they find wonderful bargains for me, or they whisper in somebody’s ear to give me help on some front or another. Still I cannot say I am one hundred percent happy with the situation as it is, because raising children is a very expensive business. People always tell me that I should charge for healing; however, there is no way I will do that unless I can obtain a hypnotherapy diploma. In this case I would charge for hypnotherapy and throw in my particular brand of healing for free. I have already helped many people with their addictions and with past life traumas so adding a hypnotherapy qualification to this would make my healing legitimate in the publics’ eyes and then people could pay me for my time and qualification rather than the love I channel from my creator. I do however believe that this current financial situation will not always be the case and feel that later on in life, I will have plenty of money for everything.
22 I must say lack of money has brought me a fourth daughter and that is a huge gift. If I had not been so broke, I would have never done foster care, so my completed family was a direct result of being poor. Also any medical help I have needed has been freely provided because I have been on the poverty line and in the beginning I needed quite a bit of help; however that is no longer the case as all have been pretty healthy. Living with the wolf at the door has also made me much keener to communicate with my Angels. I think if you are very comfortable, why would you be asking Spirit for help? Though truly, everybody needs help with the healing of the spirit and that has nothing to do with your worldly health. I also think that by having been placed in this financial position, I can honestly relate to how lack can rock your world and turn it upside down. All the help I am purporting that Angels can give would just not be needed or seem to be needed by those who already have lots, so if I had lots, you just might not believe my sincerity. Many other things have changed over the years as well, the desires I have and the things I would spend money on have drastically changed. I do not want money to essentially change my life. I love my life. I want money to make my life a bit easier and easier for my loving friends. Even though I have very little money at my disposal, I have managed to manifest many different dreams I have had for my children and myself. My children are very musically gifted and I have managed to manifest free singing lessons, free violin lessons and free clarinet lessons. I really wanted to get fit and have a little bit of time to myself. I found the YMCA gym and crèche to be an absolute godsend with childcare being under $15 a week and gym membership under $15 a week. As you all know I do not take payment for my healing although donations are fine. One of the lovely ladies I have been helping has said she will be paying for the eldest daughters drama classes this year. How could I refuse such a wonderful thing for my daughter? As for bargains, furniture and clothes, we have a fantastic reuse shop near us and lots and lots of charity stores which are absolute treasure chests of gear. I used to keep chooks (chickens for non-aussies) and grow some vegetables, but I must say rentals with low quality soil and expensive water prices have sapped my energy for self-sufficiency. Having said all of this about wealth manifestation, I would like to add that cord cutting has really changed the way I view money and even the lack of it. Here is a macro from Ision’s book on advanced cord cutting. He has
23 a wonderful way with words and took my concept of cord cutting macros and made it an art form. Wealth and Prosperity Prayer by Ision Ensor Love and Light Beings, cut the cords of illusion, cut the cords of attachment, cut all and any cords not of the highest good across the life times, time, space and dimension, between my higher self and I and also between me and: Profit from any success cords, any failure cords, any cords of making money from others suffering and profit from anything unethical, immoral or wrong, from making profit that will cause suffering or problems for any people, places or things now or in the future, making money from helping people in any way, genuinely good products and services. Any profit that will cause me to pay taxes, cut any cords about paying taxes, being resentful about tax, using all legal means to minimise tax, using illegal means to minimise tax, tax avoidance. Being financially responsible, paying bills on time, resenting having to pay bills, fear of high bills limiting your enjoying of life, not thinking about the bills and wasting money on big spending, being financially limitless, financial limitations, belief in financial limitation, any cords about greed, fear of money, of not having money, of having lots of money, too much money, losing money, taking money away from others, having money taken away from me. Being successful when those around me are failing, failing when others are succeeding, choosing a different lifestyle over amassing wealth, or struggling, paying debts, money making me a target for criticism, success, failure, abandonment, business, organisation, responsibility, freedom, attachments to working for income, fear of releasing a “standard” and regular job, livelihood, career, service, unemployment, personal attributes, talents, tools of the trade, tricks of the trade. Decision making, moving into one’s own power and purpose, “do what you love and the money will come”, all prosperity and abundance consciousness, a hard working lifestyle, an easy prosperous life, rich and famous, wealth and prosperity, possessions, lack of possessions, maintaining an image. Lack of abundance, poverty and riches, selfishness, generosity, tithing, wanting to tithe but not trusting the process as it is taught, gaining experience and trust in the momentum of giving and receiving, trust, boredom, using position to help people, helping people to the extent of your own detriment, being appreciated for your help, not being appreciated. Being used, attracting those that will use you, being able to discern when it is appropriate to help and when to
24 say no, the will power to say no, accepting help, showing appreciation, taking for granted, knowing when to stop receiving help and step out on your own, over work, business, corporations, authority (own and others). Confidence, superiority, inferiority, incompetence, competence, being the right person for the job, being the wrong person for the job, praise, being told off, telling off, anger, resentment, pride, arrogance, humility, gambling, lottery. Financial support and fear of its lack or coming to an end, study, learning, laziness, contracts, piece work, healthy and un healthy competition for work, law, logic, intuition, timing, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, saying the right thing at the right time, pollution, giving value for money, unfinished projects, finishing all projects, satisfied customers, unsatisfied customers. Allowing spiritual guidance to replace old with new, non-paying service to the world, giving and receiving, recycling, freecycling, spending money to make money, cycle of abundance, depressions and recessions and being effected and not being effected by them. World-wide trading, local economies, comfort owning money-assets, spend money like water, deep pockets, shallow pockets, long arms, short arms, the stock exchange, loosing and making money on it, regretting having followed a path that does not result in as much money as a different path may have. Being centred in your destiny no matter what financial ramifications it has or seems to have now, allowing yourself to be free of all attachments to what money can provide and opening up to the flow of abundance, all thoughts and feelings of lack and catching them and transforming them when you think them. Having a mentor, feeling like you deserve a mentor, feeling like you don’t, training, practice, you get good at what you do, you don’t get good at what you don’t do, the assimilation time to adjust to successful actions and making money, assimilating fast or slow, having enough to not have to worry about it anymore, effortless opulence, being a focus of universal abundance, the life you are destined for, the material needs of your path being available as you need them and more. Not needing to work for a living, working in your passion and making enough to live, belief that you need to struggle in a job you hate to make money, all religious beliefs about having money or prosperity, "the worship of money is the root of all evil”, it is blessed to be poor and all other fallacies that are designed to maintain control and not Divine Truth, the Laws of Creation and magnetisation, all ideas about wealth and true prosperity that have been formed from outside influences, all ideas, vows, beliefs and energies regarding wealth and prosperity from past lives that are still effecting this one, clearly knowing your path and manifesting that which you need. Not being concerned or effected by
25 what others have felt necessary to manifest, keying into others success or failure, following the crowd and thinking that you will succeed beyond the norm, being ready and willing to follow through on new ideas, the rate at which your thoughts and feelings out-picture, gaining control over both thoughts and feelings so that only abundance is expressed. The causes and consequences of all cords cut for in this prayer, the opposite aspect of all the cords in this prayer, 21st Century Syndrome, all cords that will prevent the healing of any cord cut for in this prayer, all mental/ emotional/ behavioural habit patterns that may re-establish any cord cut with this prayer, stepping into my own power, the reintegration of any soul fragments that are being held externalised by any cord or situation covered by this prayer, and all other cords relevant to this prayer that have not been included. Grounding and being fully Grounded, Heal and transmute to Love and Light. ABOUT THIS MACRO Wealth and prosperity are usually lumped together but can really be two very separate concepts. While ‘wealth’ is simply having a lot of money or income providing assets, ‘prosperity’ is being centred in the Divine Flow of the Life Stream, living in alignment with Divine Law and activity. This understanding of the Laws of Creation allows Divine process to bring to you what you need and more almost before you need it. To achieve the life you are destined for regardless of the level of money it would take a lot of societal programming needs to be erased and this prayer works towards that goal. Following the crowd will only get you to where the entire crowd already is. If that is not good enough for you and you want more from your life, you need to gain control of what you out picture from your thoughts and feelings. Should you pull this card in a reading, two main ideas are being presented to you for consideration. The first is “Open your creativity and belief in yourself and the Universe in order to manifest your ideas. Don’t allow fear of failure or success to prevent you from putting together something that is yours to create.” The second is “Ideas grow and expand as they are brought into form. Even if you cannot see how things could lead to any form of prosperity
26 now, create anyway and allow GOD to show you Divine Will as timing becomes relevant.” If you have an idea, go for it! Allow Abundance to fill your life and world. Constantly work at identifying all thoughts of lack and limitation and consciously transform them into thoughts of Prosperity and personal power. Find at least twenty needy people to give money or a service. Open your heart and bless the money, yourself and the person you are giving to as you hand it over. Don’t be concerned with what they do with the money as that is not your problem. Our karma lies only in how generous we are with what we have. As you proceed through the twenty people you will find that the money to give is always there. After you finish, start again for a greater energy return. (End of Ision’s section. Ision is currently in the process of having his guide to advanced cord cutting published. Ision is a healer of high repute, a very advanced Reiki Master, who took my technique and applied it to his life, with the dedication that I could not hope to emulate. Keep an eye on the front page of my website for details of where to get his book.) After cutting everything in this macro multiple times for not only myself but all those I do healing for, my view of money and my feelings towards it have changed completely and it can now be viewed as a free flowing energy and when it is blocked I just need to find the blockage and again the flow returns.
27 Chapter Six I am going to tell you how my diet has evolved over the years. Let us face it, food is a huge issue in this physical life. It was a huge issue even as a child. I always wanted to be vegetarian, I would be forced to sit in front of a plate of congealed fat on old cuts of meat, I would literally rather sit at the table for four hours than gag on this fare. My little sister had it easy, she was allowed to be a vegetarian, and I had to suffer until I was old enough to leave home. My first long term boyfriend was Indian and did he know how to cook up a storm! I learned how to make very nice curries and chapattis and nam breads. I was also influence by West Indian cuisine and learned how to use plantains and sweet potato. When I did not have enough food I would hang around the vegetable market and get leftovers. Even if they were no good for anything else, they were good for vegie soups and stews. While I was travelling in Israel, I ate chicken because there was not a lot of vegetarian food on offer, and I have loved fish since being a child, although for about 15 years I gave up fish as well to be a real hard core vegetarian. Mind you never did the vegan thing for too long, loved cheese too much for that. I went with raw food for a little while, but at the time we were travelling through the desert trying to grow bean sprouts in the car at fifty degrees centigrade, that did not last very long. When we reached Queensland, I went with the fruitarian regime for a few months, but on moving down to the cold, old Blue Mountains in New South Wales, I had to add more carbs and protein to my diet. I did some fasting, sometimes because I had no food, sometimes because I wanted to detox. Doing a fast is not the most difficult part; breaking the fast afterwards is the problem, because you are starving hungry and there is no way you only want to eat fruit for a week or so, then move up to vegetables and slowly introduce all the other food groups. My poor stomach really suffered when I was breaking a fast, especially when that fast was actually forced upon me because of lack of food. My Mum once commented on my food trolley when she came over when I was about 27 years old. Mum said, “What an interesting mix of junk food and health food you have”. She was quite right, I have always had a chocolate and chip obsession even while the rest of my diet is pretty much vegetable matter.
28 I gave up alcohol during my five years with my first husband because of the strict rules we followed for Vipassana meditation. I was still smoking during this time. When I first started going out with my second husband, I was working in a winery and one of the perks was, of course, cheap wine, so I drank a bit back then. When I moved on to work at Milawa cheese factory the focus became goats’ and sheep cheese and a few bottles of good red wine to wash the cheese down. Getting pregnant put paid to all of that. My body never recovered fully after having children, it was a bit of a shock to a 34-year-old body, and I never really consumed much alcohol after having children. When I became a single mother again when my twins were six months old my diet really took a dive. I was probably consuming frozen meals at my best and the children were living on standard golden oven food and baked beans. No wonder their health was suffering so severely. This all changed when I moved in with my third husband, not because I was now cooking for another adult, but because I took my three children to see a really good Naturopath. The Naturopath found that the youngest twin girl, who constantly had tonsillitis to the point she was on the waiting list to have her tonsils out, was allergic to dairy, and had a vitamin D deficiency. She found the oldest girl was very gluten and dairy intolerant and was having massive problems absorbing enough calcium and potassium, which was showing up as a heart regulation problem and severe tooth decay. The middle girl seemed to be doing ok, but was having a reaction to hairspray. I decided what was good for one, was good for all of us. Poor husband you might say, but even though I say it myself, I am a good cook. So I took out the offending groups of food, principally dairy and gluten and made lovely meals with other replacement items. I also introduced a stringent regime of vitamins and supplements. The Naturopath said she had never seen kids recover as quickly as mine. This is because when I am told what the rules of good living are, I stick to them, especially when it makes sense to me in my life. My children have dramatically improved over the years, although we still stick to low dairy and low gluten in our diets and have lots more than the recommended serves of vegetables every day. We do not however now have to take a barrage of vitamins anymore, which is a good thing because they are very expensive. The last culling I had to do to my diet was tea. I had given away coffee years ago but loved my buckets of tea, preferably Chai tea. The Angels
29 had to tell me to get off it twice. The first time was when I started developing heart palpitations during the night because I was drinking way too much. Then I gradually started drinking more and more, which aggravated my herniated stomach with a suspected ulcer. Tea sets up a very acidic environment which is not conducive to healing of ulcers, so I gave away tea for the last time, and now exist of herbal teas alone as I am not a fan of straight water, oh and maybe the odd rice milk hot chocolate. I still however manage to get in a good few chips and chocolate, even if it is non-dairy chocolate. I am hoping I do not have to give away much more in the food department. It would be a terrible thing to lose your taste buds and eat food to just survive. One thing that I didn’t mention was that for years and years and even now, I get bouts of candida in the gut. This is where there is an overgrowth of nasty bacteria that ferment all sugar and leave you exhausted, smelling horrible and not able to absorb the vitamins and minerals to keep you healthy. The only way to fix this, is to restore the balance of gut bacteria again, which definitely does not include chips or chocolate. Cord cutting was useful while giving away these various foods, in that when the caffeine cravings kicked in, it helped quell them, but as far as a magic bullet went, cord cutting was not it. Of course I hoped that by cutting with seeing myself as fat, or the desire to eat, that I could get thin easily. Food is so integral to everything you do and you have to eat food, so if your desires are not being met in other areas, you tend to compensate with food. Cord cutting helped in the underlying issues, so that I was left with just eating too much food because I enjoyed the treats. The compromise I have come to, is not to deny myself the treats I enjoy, but to do a healthy work out of an hour a day at the gym, meaning I can still be classed as a bit overweight but be perfectly healthy. This is a balance I can live with. My desire to be thin cannot outweigh my desire to treat myself with chocolate or whatever the latest treat is, and you know what, maybe this is a good thing, what is so wonderful about being thin anyway. Thin is for active teenagers not mothers’ of four!
30 Chapter Seven This chapter is about communication with Angels and Spirit, well my communication to be more precise. Your communication style obviously won’t be just the same but maybe you will see similarities which will help you to realise that communication with angels should be as natural as talking to your friends and family. How did I first get in contact with angels? Well, I think I covered this in the Abundance of Light book, but hey, a good story can never be told too often. My first real experience of actually getting a very clear message from Angels, was after reading a small book about them and then basically challenging them to come into my life and do something with the mess that it was then. Soon after I had a vivid dream about my car being lifted up with a huge angel on each corner. A few days later, I was out shopping when a bee flew into the car. I was terrified because my three babies were allergic to just about everything. I stopped the car on a very steep hill, pulled my three children out of their car seats and sat them on the pavement. Two kind ladies came and watched them, then I climbed back in the car and flapped the bee out of the car. I thanked the ladies, got back into the car with my children and it wasn’t until I went to drive away that I realised the car was in neutral with no hand break on. Yes I know that is impossible, it should have crashed into the cars in front of it. It was at this point I knew something really strange was going on in my life, strange but good. From this point on I really started talking to my angels although at that point I really did not know how to hear their replies except through dreams. For about eight months they provi
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